Dear Anita,

This morning I woke up with more clarity. I remember the time while I lived with N, I think I told you about here. We were just sitting on the couch, no previous argument, all was fine to me. The previous day he saw over my shoulder when I was looking at my bank account and it was pretty much empty as I waited for my next paycheck. He has recently helped me with a medical bill that had to do with birth control so both our responsibility. Anyways back to the couch, he was irritated, I said what’s wrong? He said “oh I can’t buy this trailer I need and want for work, I don’t have enough.” He looked at me with a serious face, “can you help me buy one?.” His fave was completely serious, like he wasn’t really asking me cause he knew what my bank account looked like and that he had just spent a lot of money on the birth control. I felt so uncomfortable and badly, I just kinda like said “no?” Like in my response obviously? And he just returned to his phone. Next day I told him that that made me very uncomfortable given the circumstances and he said “oh baby no, you thought I meant that? No it was just a joke! Hahaha no baby” and hugged me.

the amount of this gaslighting I have gone through! It is angering. I wish I brought this up in the breakup, wish I could text him this now but I absolutely wouldn’t start that.

seaturtle