Dear Anita,

Yes I am feeling much better physically today, my fever finally broke last night and I was able to get a full nights rest. I am at work today, still having some symptoms but truthfully cannot afford to miss work right now.

“In real-life, bad characters have moments of feeling and acting on genuine affection for others, and this is why real-life is more confusing than cartoons.”

This makes sense objectively, but certainly feels confusing when in it. Although I do believe I am only getting farther and farther from it, which I hope like many things means it will only get clearer and clearer.

“The above is an extreme example, but it applies to everyone. Notice that he felt genuine affection to a 100% obedient dog.”

Trying to fit the mold so that you will receive genuine affection, and the mold = hatch’s cage…

“An emotional manipulator (the gaslighter/ perpetrator) and the emotionally manipulated (the gaslightee/victim) cannot possibly be soulmates.”

Part of the damage, I believe, in our gaslighter and gaslightee dynamic, is that it made me question my feelings a lot. I hope I can use the relationship as an example that often my feelings and intuition are right, but it has also shaken my confidence about my feelings. So when M made that insensitive comment, and it hurt my feelings, I suddenly felt weak, I felt like “am I too sensitive for this world? why are my feelings hurt left and right.” I knew she was being insensitive, but she also knew I wasn’t even a week into my breakup, I guess I expected more since she did say she would be there for me and I don’t think I have spoken about missing him at all until yesterday being sick and sore.

How do I begin to gain some self confidence in my intuition and feelings, do I need some tougher skin? N’s last words “So you’re breaking up with me cause I wasn’t delicate enough with you?” Am I too delicate? weak. Why are my feelings hurt easily and how do I become stronger, but at the same time not deny what is true? I am insecure that I am too delicate, and I am afraid this world can only harm me.. When I feel more invincible, after yoga, or just certain times of the month when estrogen sores, I feel less affected by others, but there are inevitably times I feel more sensitive, but just avoiding people doesn’t seem like the correct answer, often my temptation.

“Try to not place M in the bad-person-category and then reach out to N.”

I agree, I just feel I want more sympathy but I feel weak for even asking for that. I just cannot wait to go home on the 20th and hope my family can help me, when I told each of them about the breakup, I felt strong. I felt I could also see the person they were seeing, a mirror to myself of the strength as I heard the words coming from my mouth. My family reminds me I am strong, but I also think I have some self esteem work to do. I don’t want to need others, I am not sure how much I am suppose to need others, because I don’t want to be the type of person that says “I don’t need anybody” but I also definitely don’t want to be the opposite. this is a balance I struggle with, leaning more on the side of wanting others to be there for me, but am often disappointed..

I gave myself a hug 🙂 yes you are right, self love is what I need more than anything right now.

“Here is another quote that reads relevant: “Empaths may unknowingly get involved with toxic partners and become anxious, depressed, or ill. They give their hearts too easily to narcissists and other unavailable people. Empaths are loving and expect others to be that way, which doesn’t always happen. They also absorb their partner’s stress and emotions, such as anger or depression, simply by interacting with them,”.

You know what this makes me think, as an empath in a relationship with N, I must have taken on his stress for a long time. When he would get down his feelings were that he was not good enough, something his mom would tell him and make him feel. He did not like himself to take care of himself, his home environment only got messier when I left (something that stressed me out on more than one occasion). So to this point, I was taking alot of stress on this last year, especially living with him, and now, that I am away from it all I feel strange. I feel like I should be more sad or upset, but I am not. I wonder how much of my current thoughts are due to a lack of things to worry about… I wonder what the book would write about once an empath escapes someone who put a lot onto them.. thoughts?

“And another: ““You may also freeze around inauthentic people, which can convey aloofness — but this is clearly a protective device. “

I relate to this when speaking with N. When trying to express my feelings to him, his responses would leave me frozen sometimes, they confused me and I would be frozen trying to think of how to make him see. I get this way with my dad as well. It is very true, when speaking with authentic people, there is just a mutual understanding, where you don’t have to say everything they can intuitively fill in the gaps, these conversations take much less energy. With N or other people unable to be authentic, you have to spell it out for them, which is exhausting, but then, half of those times you spell it out they still do not understand, it can be so frustrating and exhausting that you give up and they say “why are you stressing yourself out” my authentic answer would be “for you.” I am definitely not going to miss this at all, and am proud I left this.

Seaturtle