Dear Anita,

“As I am re-reading about how you felt living with N, I am thinking this morning: there really is no (good/ healthy) reason for you to place yourself in that situation again, for crying out loud!”

-I know right. I only hope that I am able to gain the wisdom, insight and foresight, to avoid situations like this. If I ended the relationship any earlier than I did, I believe I still would have had doubts and questions. But it truly took me two years to see, which is the scary part. Although I feel like we were meant to meet and grow together, the first year we were together, it wasn’t until the end of year one that I had my first doubt that something didn’t feel right. I remember it too. We had been together actually, only 5 months I believe. And on a whim we decided to try shrooms together. Something he had done before but was my first time. It was a bad trip, until the very end was sort of fun. Anyways after that experience I began to have my first feelings of doubt that I could trust him. I despised the thoughts because I did not want them, I wanted him to be it. So I told myself it was unfair of me to not trust him since we had a bad experience, just because he had done it before didn’t mean it was his fault or that he knew, I should have done my own research to know how much to take, cause that was the problem we took too much. But I remember feeling like I wished he had put more care and planning into such a vulnerable space he was taking me to. He was careless with my spirituality, and that is what the voices of doubt were trying to tell me… realizing this now.

I am going to respond to the rest of your post in a separate box and let this be by itself, fill free to respond before I reply to the rest.

Seaturtle