Dear Seaturtle:

“I only hope that I am able to gain the wisdom, insight and foresight, to avoid situations like this“- keep your crown chakra as open as it is now, and you will avoid CB (Chakra Blocking) situations.

“It wasn’t until the end of year one that I had my first doubt that something didn’t feel right. I remember it too. We had been together actually, only 5 months I believe. And on a whim we decided to try shrooms together. Something he had done before but was my first time. It was a bad trip, until the very end was sort of fun…  I remember feeling like I wished he had put more care and planning into such a vulnerable space he was taking me to“-

– You felt at that time, for the first time, that he was careless with you. A bad trip .. could have been the totality of a lifetime with him being a bad trip…

In regard to seeking a Buddhist community, you wrote: “I do think that I should and will“- try with n open crown chakra.

“In other words, as long as the next partner I am with is not a ‘figuratively blind person’ then that desire/dynamic won’t awaken in me?“- it might awaken if your expectations (of what being SEEN looks like and sounds like) exceed what is realistic to expect from a seeing man. Nobody is at their top performance at all times, that’s for sure, so a seeing man will be blind at times. Look for patterns and overall seeing-ness.

“I am very skeptical of F, he confuses me though. He taps into this understanding at times, but then the scary part is he can leave the space at any time…  I feel like he is becoming aware that there are things he can’t see, and things he missed… Another way he is out of touch is with my brother, he takes no outward responsibility for my brother’s suffering and loss of self, my dad thinks it is because of my mom or some mental illness“- the latter part, the part I boldfaced, is F’s huge, long-term blindness,

“He is also the person actually that…  gave me the book ‘The Power of Now.’ and my uncle, his right hand man at his company, told me about the book ‘untethered soul.’… I am excited actually to go home for Christmas cause I never know what kind of conversations I will have with my family members on that side. My dad’s side is philosophical and out of touch, starting with my grandfather. While my mom’s side is highly empathetic, yet also socially out of touch, overly affectionate and hyper-emotional”-

– a very interesting family. Don’t try to change either part of the family: enjoy philosophy with your father’s side, and empathy, with your mother’s side. Don’t try to get your deeper needs met by any side of the family, is my strong advice. Enjoy the companionship, food and conversations. Merry Christmas!

“Yes in his line of work he has to talk to people in their language… basically he said he manipulates for a living and it is bound to bleed into his personal life“- he said it: manipulation does bleed into his personal life.. with you.

“There is some part of me that wants to make amends and allow a friendship if he (N) is capable. I am not sure if this is wishful thinking, but I just wonder if there is some way for me to be there for him if he is struggling. His family is falling apart right now..”- (1) To make amends means to “compensate or make up for a wrongdoing” (online definition): there is no leftover wrongdoing on your part when it comes to N, so nothing to compensate for. N will use your false guilt to your disadvantage. This part of you that wants to make amends to N may lead to your destruction. (2) You can’t change what is happening in his family,  (3) He is not good for you, not as a boyfriend, and not as a friend.

“I am no longer ‘in-love’ with him. I gave up hope that he is the right partner for me. But I do still love him as a person, and I care for him. There is a huge part of him that wants to be loved, his mom did not show much affection and his dad was aloof. I want him to be loved…”- (1) Hope can reawaken, (2) As you reach your hand to him (with caring, loving intentions).. he may  cut it off.

“I loved reading about your beliefs and connection to seaturtles! It reminded me of a nature video I remember from childhood, despite my lack of memory as well, the video was about penguins and their life from conception- young adulthood. lol just a random memory but funny both of us remembered some nature documentary following young animals… cause we were one too!”- yes, reading this had just brought a smile to my face for the first time today (and it’s almost noon!)

“Do you think you are getting closer to your higher vibrational self, that existed before many things out of your control that lowered it?“- yes.

“With N, the problem was that I fell in love with a lot of things that had nothing to do with vibration. He is first of all a very beautiful man.. the most beautiful on the outside that I have ever dated or even seen in real life. He is 6 foot 7, has beautiful thick golden hair, and just a strong and sturdy build…”-

– if your only or main chakra was the sacral chakra (the chakra associated with sexual energy, from what I read), then a highly vibrated sacral chakra would have made you the happiest woman in the world.

“He was also fun and had positive qualities, it was definitely not all physical I wouldn’t of stayed if he was boring”- I understand.

“I love our ‘amazing’ moments Anita! Exactly, I am better alone. He was like candy that I was addicted and attached too that was harming me inside, unhealthy. I already feel my glow and strength returning to me. I cannot wait (well I can for a while but you know what I mean haha) for someone to glow brighter with, I am just excited it is still in my future and that that wasn’t all there was for me, something I started to believe”-  (1)Watch that addiction to N. This addiction is not gone for good. It can awaken in a circumstance such as sitting besides him during a plane flight,  (2) I am excited for you!

“and yes I am currently in..“- for the purpose of meeting in-person some day, one of us will need to include a private email address in a post and the other to send a message to it. I can’t think of another way, can you? Because my tech abilities are close to zero, I don’t know how to create a new email address for this purpose. You are welcome to create one yourself or use one that you feel safe sharing it here, on a public forum whenever you feel like (no rush), if you do.

“One 0f my very favorite songs, and music videos is called ‘messages from her’_- I am looking forward to watch/ listen to it by tomorrow!

anita