Dear Lou92:

You are very welcome and thank you for your holiday wishes. I read your most recent post and then re-read your previous. You started your thread with: “I have seen so much love and support on these forums“- it is unusual for me to come across a person who brings as much love and support to these forums as you have, and in only 5 posts/ 1 page.

You are an exceptionally empathetic, kind, appreciative… gracious, patient, considerate, generous, supportive, open minded and willing to accommodate person.. with him (for a decade +) and here, in your thread, no matter how you feel and how difficult your situation.

First, I am sorry about the state of your long (10.5 years) relationship and about your heartbreak.

“I was going to leave, but then he tried to get in the car drunk and kill himself.. So instead I have stayed“- his suicidal talk and gestures were manipulative, intended to make you stay with him, and his manipulation succeeded.

There is no way to know if a person threatening suicide will materialize it, so I understand you staying with him at that point, so close in time to his suicidal talk, without anyone else there to be with him and support him once you left.

“There is no point trying to repair our relationship as there is no us without him“-  I agree.

“How can he decide what he wants..?“- and if he tells you that he has decided that he wants you, how can you trust his decision to last. I imagine that you’d be walking on eggshells (I would, in this situation).

You wrote in your original post: “I see is a decade down the drain, and I’ve just married him. I feel like I’ve spent so much of my time focusing on him and supporting him to get better, that I’ve completely lost myself. I now find myself not liking who I have become, and I just feel lost“-

– It is time to grieve a lost decade, the loss of the hopes and dreams that you had for this relationship, and time to focus-  no longer on him-  but on you: on this kind, gracious, remarkable person that you are. Please feel free to post again anytime you feel like it, if you do. I would like to read from you again and reply any time you post during this difficult time in your life.

anita