Dear Jade:

The key sentence in your 2nd post is this: “I feel so threatened, emotionally and feel really unsafe“- indeed you are emotionally unsafe in your mother’s home.

“I feel gaslighted and like my feelings have not been considered”- I agree with both:  you really are being gaslit by your mother, and your feelings are not even acknowledged, as if your feelings are not of any value to your own mother, sadly.

“My mum had me at a really young so wasn’t really emotionally available when I was a child“- she is no longer young, and she is still emotionally unavailable to you.

“All I want to do is run away from this and cut them off‘- it’s the right and natural thing to do when you are threatened.

“I really fear that I will push everyone away“- it’s your mother and her husband who push you away, not the other way around.

“I feel as if I have nobody that I can trust and turn to anymore and feel like everyone is against me. I’m really fed up of being so miserable“- being miserable does not have to be a life sentence for you. You’ll need to move out from your mother’s home sooner than later and never move back in again, and then have no contact with her and with anyone who actively threatens your mental health.

First, move away from danger and then take one step at a time toward a life of personal and social contentment. I would like to communicate with you further and support you emotionally in the context of your thread, as you move farther and farther away from misery, if you would like that and for as long as you do.

anita