Dear Anita,

“exactly my understanding: it’s a useful metaphor that helps us understand how we operate and function. I am glad you re-introduced it to me as I find it very useful, thank you!…- I still feel it’s an excellent metaphor and I like using it. Is it okay with you if I use it in your thread as a metaphor?”

You are welcome I am glad you find it useful too and I don’t mind using the metaphor in our thread.

“- confusing only to those with a low vibrational IQ “

I found it interesting that you wrote about “low vibrational IQ” when speaking about N’s IQ was something I wanted to get to.

“(2) He didn’t find conversation a bonding activity means that he finds conversation undesirable or boring or threatening. “

I feel like he found conversation ALL of those things. Sometimes he would be defensive (threatened) other times he would just tell me he couldn’t focus and needed to be doing something in order to listen… (bored) but this was interesting cause he claimed he listened better if he was moving around, but I can’t have a deep conversation with someone dancing around, cause how can they possibly hear you? and understand without eye contact? This frustrated me. He definitely did not desire conversation as we do.

“Imagine that deep, intimate conversations are more scary, in his mind and heart, than real-life danger!”

Sounds terrible, and is so not relatable since I find conversation a highlight of life.

I am not sure if it the sickness I had a couple weeks ago or what exactly, but I have been really tired lately. The smallest tasks are daunting as far as energy, and I have been sleeping longer hours. I want my energy back so that I can give it to myself and do the things that make me happy. Tomorrow I have a surgery, it should be outpatient, as long as there are no complications. I have a benign ovarian tumor that has gotten very big and needs to be removed, so this will take more of my energy as well. I have a lot of goals that I want to set myself on the trajectory for such as vibrational health, I have a feeling it has to do with spending more time getting to know my deepest self. I am not sure exactly how to do this, but I am sure there are things that do not lead to it, such as watching tv, something I have been doing alot in the evenings to occupy my mind. I wonder if it is better for me to have no tv or music on in the background as I do things, such as cleaning, eating, getting ready. I think I believe that the only one in the way of my happiness is me, and I want to gain the strength to stop doing the things that prevent me from my potential to bring light to this world. I want to be more in my body, more aware of my thoughts, feelings and needs. From what I have read online and in books is that getting to know yourself starts with doing things you love, but as I said before my energy has been low and I feel like there are things I want to do that I don’t have the energy for…

Seaturtle