Dear Justaguy01:

“how do you support and care for someone who is trying to push you away without losing them whilst at the same time managing your own mental well-being?“- my answer: since she is an adult, and one to whom you are not married, and with whom you do not share children, once she pushes you away… you stay away. You stay away and accept that it might be a permanent break, an ending to the relationship.

There is a concept called Radical Acceptance, which is about aiming at completely accepting reality, not struggling or resisting it at all.

The Serenity Prayer states: “god, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference“- you can’t change the fact that her mother has a serious illness nor can you change any of her family history and current family circumstances. You can’t change how she feels about her family, can’t change her depression and her choice to take a break from you. So better accept (radically accept it) all that you cannot change with as much serenity as is possible for you.

“And the second being: am I validated to be feeling this mix of negative emotions myself? I feel selfish and guilty because she is the one who is really going through a hard time, but in the last week, my mind has been racing with a hundred different thoughts and emotions“-

– every one of your emotions carries a valid message, and none of us is guilty for feeling whatever it is that we feel. We are not good people because we feel a certain way, and bad people if we feel a different way. It is our conscious choices of speech and action that make us good or bad.

She is going through a hard time and so are you. You are emotionally attached to her and you want to be with her. Try to have empathy for yourself instead of judgment. Feel the pain of being away from her and endure it, then repeatedly try to … radically accept the situation as it is.

And please post again, maybe a conversation here can help…?

anita