Dear Justaguy01:

“I don’t know a great deal about this sort of thing, but probably am the latter. It isn’t the first time I feel anxious about our relationship. Truth be told I have gone through many instances where internally and privately I have felt this fear of abandonment in our relationship… I know it’s something I need to work on“-

– you can learn about you attachment style from books such as Attached and Master Your Attachment Style, as well as from workbooks such as The Attachment Theory Workbook: Powerful Tools To Promote Understanding, Increase Stability, And Build Lasting Relationships, and Soothe your Attachment Wounds self help workbook.

“I am worried that she is staying away specifically from me“- In the realm of possibilities, it is unfortunately possible (I have no reason to think that this is the case here) that rather than her fitting The Avoidant Attachment Style, she fits (and I am making up the term here) The Breakup Confrontational Avoidant Style. Many people, when breaking up with a partner, instead of doing it directly, which they perceive to be a confrontation, something unpleasant, they go about it indirectly, disappearing from the person’s life and hoping that the message will sink in over time.

I hate to bring this possibility up but it’s not like this is a new possibility in your mind. You’re already worried about it. Since you’ve known her for a while, is she a confrontational avoidant person in the context of her work, family, friends…?

anita