Dear Seaturtle:

“Anyways, my point is, F was my worst CCP, believe it or not N was an upgrade from him, which is why I think I put him on a pedestal for so long”-

– imagine choosing your own Aware- Seaturtle’s standards of what a good partner means is in your life vs relative standards, (relative to your father, in this case). A highly vibrating crown chakra will not be confined to one’s childhood/ past standards.

“Ending things with N, was sort of like how I felt when I moved out of F’s house… when I first left their home I released this enormous backpack of responsibility to wonder what they were thinking/feeling and how I could solve it”- imagine a carefree childhood where the child does not worry about what her parent is thinking and feeling.

“I do have a big heart, I know this about myself. My ability to empathize can be too much… My capacity to love is intense, I am very thoughtful when I love someone, this was something I wished to have in return from N… When I tried to bring it up, like ‘you know if you did …. it would mean SO much to me.’ But he would then make me feel badly for even mentioning it, like I didn’t accept him the way he was…which I guess is what it was! Little did I know he literally didn’t know how, he wanted me to accept that he just ‘didn’t know how,’ which I accepted as an excuse for a while until I realized he didn’t even want to try to learn, for me…that is true love”-

– your heart chakra vibrates intensely. His heart chakra’s vibrations are low. Not his fault. Thing is, no point in hitting a rock with a stick trying to get water out of it (not after a long-enough period of time of hitting it and then understanding what happened/ is happening).

“When I first sought therapy at 17, I thought I needed to vent about my mom, after she broke up the marriage, and was the more obvious wrong doer“- your motivation as a child/ teenager was to please your father (F) because of the two parents he was The Critical One.

“But what caught me by surprise, was my several years in therapy were 80% about F“- because he was the critical parent.

“I have not truly dug into my mom, M, what her impact on me was.. When I first read the bolded line above that you wrote, I thought of M. When I was home for Christmas, my sisters and I had a ‘Sister Disney Day,’ planned, hahah our thing. Anyways my mom tried so many times to guilt us for it, She gets VERY possessive of our time around Christmas… she drank wine and literally cried about it to us. What I learned that night: I felt bad for her…  my youngest sister said ‘just don’t let her sway you…  mom usually convinces you to feel bad for her.’ This was eye opening to me, was my mom emotionally manipulating me?? YES. I then went upstairs, keeping this mind, an ah-ha moment if you will. When I walked in she got very emotional (wine emotional). I was aware of her ‘tears’ THE FAKE TEARS I HAVE WITNESSED! No wonder I believed N’s little tears were genuine, I have been tricked my whole life, been confused on how to spot real ones.. I stayed strong and said ‘mom you know what we have had this planned it is not fair of you to be making us feel guilty about it,’ I could tell she was surprised by my lack of empathy for her, she sort of snapped out of THAT manipulation tactic, and tried another one…  crying because she ‘felt bad’ that we ‘thought’ she was trying to guilt us. It was so eye opening, I saw it all with my third eye, just un-phased emotionally by her, yay! what a release. I got my things and left, saying a kind goodnight.”-

– an Amazing testimony of a 3rd eye- crown chakra highly vibrational cooperation and good work, I am deeply impressed! One lesson: when you spot a possibility of a manipulative technique in-progress, expose it to the possible manipulator. If she/ he expresses any introspection and considers your input, then that’s good. If  he/ she continues with the same manipulative technique but with a twist (like M did in this example, making you feel bad about her feeling bad… over making you feel bad) or changes to another manipulative technique (like F does when he changes a topic, or when he lies), then you know who and what you are dealing with.

I will reply to your 2nd post from yesterday next.

anita