Dear Seaturtle:

“Even as I broke up with him, I couldn’t look into his eyes, because it made me want to change my mind and hug him, give him my empathy“- heart chakra going wild, unsupervised (by the crown chakra).

“Will I never find a healed person? But then, my next thought was I don’t need a healed person I only want someone who is trying to be better, healing. This exists right? I feel like I need the confirmation at this moment haha”- yes, confirmed: you can find a healing man, a person like you, a person like me.

“I like this a lot, and is what I want, to have my own standards, and not be confined by my childhood experiences“- throat chakra giving voice to crown chakra.

“I went out with my roommate last night, actually we spent the whole day together, went to the library where I sat and replied to your messages yesterday. We then did a little shopping, then went grocery shopping for dinner and she wanted to dye her hair!… it looks so good, and we had so much fun, we made little cocktails then after getting ready went to a fun bar and ordered espresso martinis and planned a future vacation together haha. Anyways I bring this up because I am a bit hungover, and it makes me a little loopy, so I wonder if it is because of that but, all this to say, I don’t quite understand the bolded quote above, could you explain it more? I am also curious as to why his heart chakra vibrations are lower than mine and why it is unchangeable?”-

– his heart chakra vibrations are lower because during his childhood, his vibrations were dulled more than yours were dulled during your childhood. It would not have been unchangeable that his vibrations are low, if he was motivated to change them.

 “I am excited to know this! I fear being manipulated again, so I am glad my third eye muscle is strengthening so that I won’t be. I wonder how the manipulator feels, when they are scrambling for their next manipulation tactic.. why they do this rather than just be authentic?“-

– they have TOO MUCH FEAR that their authentic self is unacceptable. No matter how much you love them, they figure that if you knew them, you’d hate them. So, they hide and deceive.

“I enjoy being inspired to be better, and for that reason I believe, learned to find joy when I discover something I did wrong, so that I can look inside and discover something new about myself!”- I don’t think N feels this way.

“if you keep your mind open to hear your mistakes and correct them along the way, it is much easier than shutting them down and then getting so far from who you are, that you are unfamiliar with your truest self.. my nightmare!”- Your nightmare; N’s reality

“Wow I love this insight. Doubting my own tears… that is very sad. So then when I had those tears, when talking with F about intense things, usually such as money or the ‘housecleaning’ meetings where he would list how I had shown my ungratefulness… those tears, what did they mean?“- tears of fear? Of desperation, of misery? Of a girl in a cage wanting out?

“It is technically my fault for shining light on parts of him that he did not like“- not your fault, not a wrongdoing. it’s a loving thing to do. But when he rejects it again and again.. time to stop shining that light on him and move on and away.

“You know what Anita, I have had the sense recently that I need to forgive myself in some ways for things in the relationship, and I have been trying to discover what they are, and this is certainly one! So far, I had just come up with forgiving myself for not starting work earlier… despite his words, I think I knew I was pushing it as far as how long it was taking me to find a job that I wanted to be at. I look back and I wonder if I could have sped up the process if I put more energy into it, but I need to forgive myself, knowing I did not have the energy, or I would have done so. Trying to change him/us, took up that energy. So, he was double suffering, had someone he loved trying to change him and not having a partner contribute to rent. I wonder, how do I forgive myself?”-

– (1) if you need to, you can calculate how much rent you objectively think that you owe him and plan to pay him that amount. (2) “he loved”- what does it mean, his brand of love..?

“Exactly, I saw him through everyone’s eyes, cause I needed help, I needed more eyes, and by the time mine opened I ended the relationship the next day. That day I remember just seeing a different person in front of me all the sudden, as I put it in an earlier post ‘my rose-colored glasses were suddenly removed.’”- SEE with your 3rd eye chakra, the only eye you need.

“I need to strengthen this third eye before getting involved in other relationships, because right now my sacral and heart are way more developed and make more decisions than my third eye“- I concur.

“What is the heart’s role in this?“- its role is in letting him be just as he is, closed 3rd eye, low vibrational crown chakra and all…  simply because this is what he prefers and what he chooses. And stay away from him, don’t bother him with what he doesn’t want to be bothered with, what he chooses to not be bothered with. Live your life by your choices, allow him to live with his.

“Now he has a home here and started a business with his friend who lives here. Our relationship certainly guided him to better places whether he wants to admit it or not“- how much money would you place on this guidance (maybe you can deduct if from the rent you think you owe him..?)

“I hope you have a happy Saturday Anita“- just had my 2nd red wine glass this evening, listening to a guy singing to no one, as no one showed up for his performance. I thought I might as well answer you, good night precious, wonder-ful sea turtle (7:38 pm here, 8:38 where you are at).

anita