Dear Seaturtle:

“I have always been good at speaking to boys…. But the thing was, none of those flirtatious conversations, actually wanted to date me. In fact, I witnessed all of my crushes with another girl… All of these occurrences, happening every year of middle and high school for me, 8 years, made me think the guys that I wanted didn’t want me and I couldn’t understand why”-

– maybe a lot of guys wanted you but you were not interested in them. Maybe it was a matter of numbers: a certain number of guys were interested in you, you were interested in a number of guys, and then there is some match or no match between the two groups, being that there is a lot of competition for any one girl: other girls.

“I didn’t feel less pretty, so I blamed my personality, crushing my self esteem. Even today I get anxious around a guy if I have any feelings, often I am mean to him because I don’t want to flirt/show interest and be rejected. With this self doubt and lack of self esteem, could I have really had a high vibration through all this going on around me? Not forgetting what I would also go home to?“-

– (1) no one, particularly no girl  (almost none perhaps) has a massive amount of self-esteem, not even adequate self-esteem (whatever it may look like or feel like), but you had more self-esteem than many: you didn’t feel less pretty than other girls- that a huge positive self-esteem expression right there! Plus from my communication with you over these 24 pages, I sense a pretty healthy self-esteem on your part. (2) Your self-esteem and confidence held through these disappointments and heartbreaks, and chakras were open enough to do their vibrations, maybe partly because guys were after you, just not the particular ones whom you mentioned here.

“I am certainly getting more over him every day. Yesterday my feelings of disgust changed from inside of me to seeing it in him, seeing him as gross. I still wonder about getting my things and have anxiety about this, I find myself planning what to say in my head but it also just brings me anxiety to think about“- I would send your roommate or someone else to contact him and collect your things, and ask that person to tell you no details about their exchange with him.

One more half a mile, good evening/ night, Seaturtle!

anita