Dear Anita,

I thought more about what I said, “So then he would never be attracted to me and respect me simultaneously?!”

Outside of emotional times, he respected me when I was willing to do the hard things with him. Remember before we spoke about him and I connecting when we went through something hard, like the road trip we got stuck. He was attracted and respected me in battle-like moments, but not at ease in normal life. In normal life he did not understand/ respect my desire to grow, over making money. It was exhausting to receive attraction and respect simultaneously from him, exhausting or random. On the few occasions he actually listened to my thoughts on life, I felt my views were respected and ones he did not expect me to say. His attraction and respect for me is probably an inefficient thing for me to pin point because as you have mentioned humans are complex.

I can’t wait for the day I am not reminded of him.. the smallest things trigger memories and he is in my dreams almost every night.

Seaturtle