Dear Anita,

I agree with your inputs and I really appreciate them so much, it is very precious that you gave your time and energy for my post, it was so long i thought no one will read it. But i needed to write down my pain somewhere, I talked with my family and friends about it, their comments were similar but still i am so emotional and I am really so thankful to you for your input, God bless you🙏🏼

“I think that when you met him he had low self-esteem, he was depressed, overeating, overweight and feeling ashamed of himself.”

Yes, exactly like that. His ex gf cheated on him after their 1 year relationship and after that he become very depressed for 1,5 year before he met me. He told me that he liked me but he couldnt text me for a long time because he was so sure that a cute girl like is already taken, he told me that i was a kinda “super star” to him haha. These were the times when he started idealizing me. I liked your comments about movie. He had some fantasy in his head that I am a princess and he did everything to become a prince. In reality I was a normal girl who has struggles in life and tries to enjoy life as much as possible and settle her life, like any other girl!

”I don’t think that he cold-heartedly manipulated and lied to you. I think that he was able to play a role and believe in his role. But it couldn’t last, even if you stayed in your working country. The role couldn’t have become him no matter where you lived and worked, and no matter how hard you tried to make him feel valuable and loved.”

I just cannot understand, why would an adult person play all these roles? I never played roles with him, 1 month before our relationship we were friends, even best friends, we told each other everything, about our families, what we went through, our past relationships. To be honest I didnt even think dating him because i didnt find him attractive to become my partner. But after when he flied to me and literally BEGGED me to become his girlfriend, I accepted because i thought that appearence is not everything, our friendship, respect and his effort meant so much for me. After this he started to play this role. I cant understand, how after we had a strong emotional connection, after we loved each other so much, after I accepted him and started valuing him, how come in my lowest he could break up with me? I thought that feeling of love is above everything, isnt it?

Why would he destroy love? It is so hard to find love, someone who will love u regardless ur appearence or status

I think that his shame took a strong hold in him when he was a child/ teenager. It is very difficult to heal from toxic shame, it takes a lot of work, real-life work, as in psychotherapy.”

I also thought about toxic shame.. Last times he took so many things from my side as an insult. Even when I told him that i seriously think that he needs a psychotherapy he told me that i am insulting him again..

I just accepted and love him with all his flaws, complexities and struggles. I know what kind of hardships he been through and i always respected him and was proud of him. All the care he gave for me, hotels, gifts, vacations, restaurants I appreciate them all. No one ever treated me this much good and our dreams about the future together was best feeling for me.
He made me trust him and suddenly I am thrown again, i feel so bad.. And the thing is that I still love him and miss him, during our break up he told me that he is “not leaving me” and that he wants me in his life but not this way (romantic relationship). Also he told me that he has feelings but he just cant continue because he lost his trust to me plus stress at work and in uni and that he cant make me suffer by not giving me time and care…

I feel so bad that he is not appreciating my love. I am so hurt 😢 I told him everything to make him stay I gave him all my love..