Dear Alina:

You are very welcome and thank you for your appreciation and kind words!

It is common in romantic relationships for person A to put person B on a pedestal, and then, when person A experiences more problems in life, person B falls off their pedestal, just as it happened here: “he started to have some problems at his work university and family, it came all at once“=> you fell off his pedestal.

“He told me that I was a kinda ‘super star’ to him haha. These were the times when he started idealizing me. In reality I was a normal girl who has struggles in life“-at that point, he didn’t love the normal girl Alina. He loved a girl on a pedestal, a super star. It wasn’t you on that pedestal, but his idea, or a version of you.

“I can’t understand, how after we had a strong emotional connection, after we loved each other so much, after I accepted him and started valuing him.. he could break up with me“- at first, the person on the pedestal was unachievable, inaccessible, he had to win you over. But once he won you over… his interest was gone, sadly. I think that he wasn’t able or willing, emotionally, to have a love relationship where both individuals are on ground level.

“how come in my lowest he could break up with me?“-  “in my lowest” meaning off the elevated pedestal. A relationship where one person is on a pedestal is not sustainable, it’s only time before the elevated person is off the pedestal for one reason or another.

“I thought that feeling of love is above everything, isn’t it?“- not above shame, or toxic shame. When a person is significantly or severely not okay with themselves, the person cannot love another person. Toxic shame inhibits/ suffocates love.

“Why would he destroy love?“- continuing the thought from above: toxic shame destroys love.

“I just accepted and love him with all his flaws, complexities and struggles“- but he was ashamed of his flaws, complexities and struggles, and your love- however authentic, deep and enduring- could not (and cannot) undo his shame.

“All the care he gave for me, hotels, gifts, vacations, restaurants I appreciate them all. No one ever treated me this much good and our dreams about the future together was best feeling for me… I still love him and miss him… I feel so bad that he is not appreciating my love. I am so hurt.. I told him everything to make him stay I gave him all my love..“- I am so sorry, Alina. I feel sad that a person as lovely and as kind as yourself is suffering.

You have to grieve your hopes and dreams in regard to him, to go through a period of sadness about the loss of what you hoped for. And continue to learn from this experience what you need to learn, so that you are wiser for it. Plese continue to post, if it helps, for as long as it may help you.

One day, you will be surprised that this doesn’t hurt anymore, and you will find true love elsewhere, where both individuals are on ground level.

anita