Dear Worldofthewaterwheels:

You are welcome!

“I know I need a councilor to speak to, somewhere to go and talk about all these difficulties. But I’m still scared to pick the wrong one and to be stuck despairing in that… I just contacted another therapist, so hope there is some news this time. I really need to get some support from somewhere“- I hope that the therapist you contacted a couple of hours ago will be able and willing to help you!

“Up till now I’m just strong on the outside and fighting constantly a losing battle inside… The main issue right now is the feeling of panic, anxiety and fear… my mother has no words of support for me.. She will in fact find ways to tell me off and make me feel worse“- better not turn to her for emotional support.

A daily routine of aerobic exercise and of listening/ watching calming guided meditations (topic: Mindfulness) can help with the feelings of panic, anxiety and fear.

“There are times when you just want someone to hear you out, for them to tell you something that will calm you“- You are welcome to express yourself here, every day, and I will do my best to hear you. I hope that other members will hear and reply to you as well.

“My sister just recently bought an expensive property last year) they are doing amazingly well because where they live the income is relatively good (in USA)… I do care for them and want them to do well but it hurts sometimes that I never have any good news of my own… the work I am most experienced in is currently oversaturated with new competition, soaring prices going up and taxes… There’s competition from other countries that charge even less for their highly qualified work… I’m too old to start at the bottom…  I think what is truly exhausting is when you ARE trying your hardest.. and its just NOT WORKING OUT. And then you see someone else, who may or may not have your same situation, and things just pop up for them…like fortune cookies, and they are suddenly ok again. This is why I get to the point where I think, something in the universe is deadest again me having anything“-

– I remember a time I felt similarly to you, feeling like The #1 Loser in a an ongoing Competition with an endless number of people more successful than I was. At one point in this mental torment, I took myself OUT of the competition by accepting the fact that I indeed failed in all the areas I failed in.. and accepted it. In accepting this defeat- following some time- much needed  peace-of-mind replaced the ongoing mental torment.

In that measure of peace of mind, I was able to see other people better, and to my surprise, I could see that so many of the people I thought were happy.. were not. I could see that all that time when I was in torment.. I was not alone. So many people who are materially successful have their own reasons to be miserable.

So, perhaps the fortune cookie is about you no longer trying your hardest within the Competition, but instead: taking yourself out of the Competition?

anita