<p style=”text-align: left;”>Dear Tee,</p>
I’m so glad to have your news! I was worried that you weren’t well and maybe left the forum for good.

Thank you so much for taking time to reply to me despite your health condition 💕

I’m not feeling my best either and more health issues are hindering any spiritual progress that I was hoping to make this year. I imagine that we are struggling with similar health fears. It is so hard to deal with so many things at the same time.

Have you tried any unconventional medicine to help ease your anxiety? I’m looking into acupuncture and aromatherapy at the moment as I could not sleep well for a long time. It got worst after I reconnected with my father a few months back.

I told him how I felt and that I would like to give him a new chance but he got angry and shouted at me. He thinks that childhood has nothing to do with my situation.

Now he is saying that if I think that he is not a good father, I should stop calling him and he doesn’t want any contact with me if I ever mention my feelings or want anything from him. He said that his father never helped him and my life should not be easier than his. Also he said that many families are not in contact so it won’t make any difference for him if I disappear from his life 🙁

I felt so sad, disappointed & hurt that I cried many nights like a small child. Maybe I’m trying too hard to recreate what I’ve lost as a child which is impossible? Maybe he is not able to love me at all? He dared to say that children should help financially their parents. That was his understanding of having kids. I told him that yes, you’re right but as a child I needed you first…

Even his ex wife (probably financially still not divorced) says she can’t deal with him but they have too much codependance. Both tell me 2 different stories about their divorce, house etc. I’m not sure who is telling the truth. She says that she is paying for the whole house and needs to work hard but my dadd says it is 50/50.

He doesn’t want to help even with the matters that are simple and for free. I needed some important documents from him and he said he has no time and probably lost them.

Now all my appointments are cancelled and people are wondering why my father can’t help? I can’t deal with him anymore emotionally.

Tee, I agree with you that there is some strong connection between childhood and the future decisions that are mostly fear based. I’m trying to choose people that are the opposite of what my dadd is but still, the same patterns emerge. They are cold, emotionally unavailable, distant or angry types.

The last man seemed to be kind but also disappeared without a word. Then after 3 month told me that he is madly in love with his sister’s friend.

I remember that he asked if I want to get married and I told him that yes, I’m looking for a friendship that leads to something more serious like engagement and hopefully marriage. Maybe this was the reason? 😊

Thank you Tee for coming back to this forum and sharing your thoughts and kindness with me.

I hope you will feel better soon. The recovery takes time but sometimes even a warm word and knowing that someone somewhere still cares gives hope and strength to carry on.

Big hug 🫂 and take care!

P.S.

Tee, your profile picture is really nice 🥰