Dear Anita,

I have a recent update about N. Realizing I will need my passport soon I started to feel more urgency to get my things from N. I had a nice say to myself on monday, and that evening at 8pm I decided to try and contact N. Since I was blocked from his phone after my New year message did not send I thought, ‘I will try to text him, and if I am still blocked then I will wait to email him another time during the day.” I texted him and it went through, meaning he unblocked me, I was surprised to see “delivered”

I said: “Hi. how are you”

Him: “Phenomenal”

Me: “couldn’t think of a more cryptic message?” *I was attempting to keep things light if he would let it but he didn’t

Him: “What do you want”

Me: “I want to know if you have any desire to talk”

Him: “words can’t describe how you’ve made me feel and I have no desire to waste any more energy with you.”

Me: “I tried my best to communicate cause I wanted it to work so bad but I just felt like we were not going to understand eachother and I had to leave the loop we would be in. I’m really sorry for any pain I caused you

Him: “you have no clue what love is”

Me: “yea I realize that”

Him: (Thumbs up emoji)

Me: “But how would you know what it is better than me”

Him: “please just leave me alone”

Me: “Ok, I’m sorry to bother you. I know I left stuff at your house and I’m guessing things were tossed which is understandable but I realized I left my passport in the drawer of the vanity in your room that and my snow gear is all I really want if that’s possible”

Him: “I don’t know where any of your stuff is but it’s not here.”

Me: “You have no idea where my snowboard is? I just hope you wouldn’t throw a passport away…”

Me: “Why’d you even unblock me if it wasn’t so I could get my things back”

The end. nothing more, I am feeling anxious about my passport and confused about the many things I had at his house stored in the garage and closet. Also him telling me I don’t know what love is, hurts because it makes me feel like he thinks he was doing everything he could. I felt like his idea of love, and what he often said “it’s a choice” is that love is just picking one person you will be loyal to forever, no matter what happens. To me, that is marriage, in the relationship I did feel like he assumed we would be together forever before I ever agreed to that. Like him not wanting me to move out, and even being ok with the idea of having a child, he was just sold completely on this relationship that I felt like needed so much work, and he just thought was all great. Another reason I felt unseen, he thought I was worrying about things that didn’t matter when it came to communication errors in our relationship, but it does matter that he was being passive aggressive and unwilling to admit it or say what was really bothering him.

Curious what you think of all this.

Seaturtle