Dear Anita,

I am reading and responding to one post at a time.

Does it make you feel any way when I don’t respond for a couple days? I can start to give you a heads up if you’d like, my reasoning is beyond me. I just had days I don’t want to open the N box at all, then other days like today (his birthday) that I want to talk about it again.

“This could be the reason he unblocked you: to show you contempt.”

• I think you are right. Well his point got across and it was bothersome just as he intended, but I didn’t intend on revealing that to him.

“he is angry at you”

• I suspected this. His lack of taking responsibility in general pointed to him behaving this way so I will say it didn’t surprise me cause I expected it but it still had an impact.

“a Win (thumbs up) for him: you accepted his insult.”

• I could be wrong but I don’t see it this way. I see the thumbs up as more contemptuousness. He doesn’t care that I said that at all, his response in his head I feel like is “whatever”. After further contemplation, if he allows it, he will probably wonder if I ever really loved him. Throwing himself a putty party because nothing is ever his fault.

“Seaturtle doesn’t go belly up for long (an admiring face emoji), a Win for Seaturtle!”

• haha yes! The way I approached this conversation was to be as honest and open as I could, I knew it would allow him to get a shot at me but I just wanted to be authentic. And that day we had just spoken about narcissism, being controlling and not expecting too much from someone, all of that put me into thought of what should I expect from love, what standards are reasonable. So when he asked me that, I honestly in that moment agreed, I don’t know, but then I thought about him and his current thought process and thought ‘oh he probably thinks he does’ and I laughed haha.

“He is no intellectual match to the witty Seaturlte!”

• haha this held true in the relationship too. Honestly his response, is a pretty good example of many of our conversations. We talk, I am vulnerable, then he leaves, first mentally then physically. I can’t tell you the amount of times we were in a deep confrontational conversation like that and he said “I wanna go somewhere else” and I would tell him to finish the conversation first and he said to finish it somewhere else. But I tried to explain that leaving the space would mean we’d have to restart the vulnerability, and he did not understand that concept. But I think he knew it, and that’s why he wanted to “move.”

“Seems like I am enjoying the .. confrontation, now that I am reading the exchange for the first time… shifting to empathy for him (so that I don’t merely enjoy his defeat here)”

• haha this is fair.

“he went for the Win the only way that’s available for him: keeping your passport and expensive snow gear away from you.”

• I just genuinely need my passport for a potential trip this summer and getting a new one is going to be an expensive hassle. I want it back but not sure if he really got rid of it and obviously would rather not give him another opportunity to display his contempt.

“The Weed-Assisted, Teflon- Mind idea of Love: it requires no work, no conversations, no meeting of the minds (closed 3rd eye and inactive crown chakra); it’s a choice (like he said), a choice made once, done deal.”

• I agree, and it is so sad. He showed me bread crumbs of what I wanted to see and I took them and savered them.

I don’t care too much about the snow gear, in fact it relieves my guilt of owing him any money. The passport is going to be annoying to deal with. And it was sort of sentimental, I had stamps on there that meant something to me.

Seaturtle