Dear Anita,

“But I was too afraid to be authentic around others most of the time because my mother so effectively shamed my authenticity. I was so out of practice,  didn’t even know how. I wasn’t able”

• I think the same thing happened to me. My dad effectively shamed my authenticity. “I was so out of practice” I feel this. I recall the feeling of questioning my own authenticity, and wondering how I should be. I did this in highschool and it made me feel insecure because others seemed to be someone they wanted to be (likely an illusion in itself) and I was questioning my every move. Overthinking my own authenticity made me feel awkward. Wow this is a realization/ memory for me. I felt awkward in my body, and hyper aware of what I was doing, how I was standing or how to have conversation with certain people, how to be me. However there were a few people I felt more natural with, and I started to only spend my time with those people and didn’t have a desire to be around people that I didn’t feel I could be myself around. I labeled myself and introvert because of this.

Re-reading your first post:

“Narcissism exists on a continuum that ranges from normal to abnormal personality expressions”

• This is interesting because as mentioned above, having a parent who shamed your authenticity led us to question what our authenticity was. Creating this desire to understand ourselves. It would make sense that with that awareness I question how I come across, how I am being, and in my relationship with N  I could see myself making selfish decisions

Seaturtle