Hi Anita and Tee,

I realise this stuff is deep-seated and problematic. Even trying to identify my mom as a source of this issue is still hard for me. She said only yesterday that i should try EMDR therapy and had my therapist suggested it? my therapist has really only suggested i join groups, classes and get out more.

I am unconsciously attracted to the same relationships over and over. Thus i decided to stop trying to meet people altogether but thats not really a solution either, unless i want to be alone and i dont. Its just i dont know anymore. What i am attracted to naturally seems wrong and i dont know the right way.

I met with a friend yesterday though, we took a walk and it was nice, i really needed to meet someone. I just need more friends like that, she is older and fairly busy. I stopped communicating with another close friend..sadly i realised some things about our relationship were not great and now i cant look past it. I think the problem is that i cant complain, cant argue with friends for fear of losing them..but will anyway. If you cant be honest with each other then where is the reality. Another friend just left the area and will only be back later in the year. Its just unfortunately where i live people are usually passing through.

Basically, ive written a whole essay on this and could go on. I have deep-seated fear of rejection and yet get constantly rejected. I fear confrontation..and get the feeling of being attacked all the time. I have the ability to stand out, i have a presence but i fight it because apparently from my youth i was taught not to be too big in order to have support.