Hi Anita,

Thank you for responding.

1) How long did the sexual assault period last, and how long after the beginning of the assault, did your parents become aware of it? How did they respond? – First thing I want to clarify – my parents are not aware that it happened to me because it was someone in my extended family and I never told them. Actually, I think I switched off that part of my brain for a lot of years and it was only in around 2019-2020 a lot of visuals about what happened came back to me and I realized the intensity of it. I never talked about it to anyone before that but it is only these days I am slowly opening up with my closest friends and I am realizing the intensity of what happened day by day. I don’t think I gave it a name of sexual assault until then. I don’t remember how long the sexual assault period lasted – but I know it was for atleast a year or more. It all suddenly stopped once I hit puberty in my 8th grade.

2) Did your mother (or your father) minimize the assault, saying that you were over-sensitive to it, that you emotionally over-reacted, that you used it as an excuse? – As I said, my mother does not know. She just in general says I am too sensitive and overreact to things. This especially happens when I tell her how hurting it feels when my dad criticizes me or when I tell her how my father and grandparents are proud of everything my brother does because he is a guy, how they treat me infront of him as if I am nothing and that I do not feel respected enough or seen enough or encouraged enough. I once remember my brother asking my mom if I my teachers are going to let me go to 5th standard from 4th standard!!! – I was not a bad student at alll but he did get that impression…. things like that. When I tell her I feel a little different from everyone, that I feel things too deeply and sometimes wonder if I have depression and I am unable to do basic things in life and feel very under-confident – she tells me I am overreacting and too sensitive and should just have more will power and try harder to be more disciplined and achieve the things I want in life. She never said no to therapy though – she said if I wanted to go, she will support me.

3) You lived at home, with your mother, for 24 out of the 26 years of her marriage to a man who discouraged her from speaking up, from talking about her feelings, her opinions, etc. Did she turn to you as the person with whom she expressed herself, giving you the role of a friend and confidant? – Completely, yes! I am that friend/ confidant of her. She shares everything with me. I started supporting her as I grew up and pushing her to stand up for herself and even stood up against my dad and my grandparents demanding she should be treated better for everything she does for the family. She gradually started doing that my dad keeps joking she gets courage in my presence and never listens to him. A year or two ago – I think she had enough and she started feeling burnt out and she used to constantly tell my father and fight about how badly she was treated all of her life. It was like – she never stood up for herself and now suddenly she wants to make up for everytime she didn’t do it – it was hard but my dad’s shell broke, he understood a few things, he started treating my mother better and their relationship evolved into something better. She always tells me she feels blessed to have a daughter like me and she cannot imagine her life without me.

4) How were you a misfit at home, growing up? – Hmmm, when I think about it – I somehow don’t remember a lot about my childhood or cannot think of any instances right now. I once remember during an argument I threw a glass of water at my mother’s face in front of my whole extended family and to this day I don’t know why I did that and I cannot get that image out of my head. There was once a science exhibition in my school and while everyone made lots of cool things, I made a bird cage with a bird in it that makes sounds when someone claps – my dad came to the exhibition and he was extremely dissappointed me, he told me what I did was a waste. My school teacher once described me as a lady don to my dad and I once remember one of my teachers telling me my walk is too manly and I should change it and I did. It was tough making friends, was never good at directions, could never relate to girls having crushes, always rebelled against parents. My mom was a teacher in the same school I had studied – I was popular and everyone had high expectations from me. I did get a lot of attention that I did not want. Teachers were either very partial to me or they hated me and did not hesitate to show that to me. A lot of students were jealous when I got a lot of attention from teachers – I used to be the first person to know of any event announcement – teachers came and told me, not my mom and I did not ask for it! I got into a relationship in my 9th standard in a school where my mom is a teacher – who does that?! I did not like the school system in my +1, +2 and debated with the principle saying what they’re doing is wrong – extreme stress, making people mug up and she changed the way things were going on. I did not mind being in the least section but just studied on my own and got not a bad grade at all. I got into engineering and around my 2nd year I knew it was not my place – I just didn’t feel I could connect with anyone around me nor was finding joy in things that I did. I wanted to drop out – it was my dad who introduced me to travelling and I fell in love! I travelled often, started photography and writing, rediscovered myself, did a yoga course, organized a lot of events in my college and was popular again and decided to change my career. The concept of having kids never appealed to me and once when I was innocent, I told my mom and she scolded me so bad – she said no one would marry me if I think such way and it is very wrong.