Reflecting on my part in all of this, and identifying a pattern in my behavior. I get excited with a connection, really get it into the other person, and then burn out. Going deep tells me to slow everything down and get to know the other person better. My own pattern feels self-destructive. Mr. Intense seems to be making a real effort. I will be up front and tell him that I am a ways from commitment and we shall see what he says. I’m telling myself that the reward will be staying true to me. It will be a while until we see each other since we both have hard work schedules right now, so I won’t know his reaction for a good week or so.

I have to say, though, that I was really annoyed with an older friend of mine who called me yesterday to ask about my love life. I haven’t been updating her because I am widowed (she is not), but she still speaks to me as if she knows all about dating as a widow. she won’t stop hammering away at how unhappy I’ll be if I don’t find someone, but really, how will I ever know if I don’t try to be alone for even a few months? (I was alone for 10 months after he died until I dipped my toes into the crazy world of dating apps). She keeps assuring me that “I’ll find someone,” but can she deliver on that promise? No.

Anyway, back to the current situation…hoping he will be willing to try a slower roll. I feel myself getting sucked back into a hot and heavy relationship and my insides are pleading with me to slow down in a major way.