Dear Helcat,

Thank you for the Birthday wishes 🙂

“How did your parents handle it when you or they were bored?”

– I don’t recall complaining about boredom. But I remember if I was bored, especially in the summer time I would go to my neighbors house, a girl my age lived there and we enjoyed alot of the same activities. I was also in soccer at least twice a week after school. They would put on movies for us, my siblings and I, when they didn’t want to be bothered. Or they would tell us we had to stay outside for a block amount of time, I would get creative with my siblings and build a fort or sell lemonade. We spent alot of days at a swimming pool, that always exhausted us. I had a very fun childhood. I also played by myself alot, dolls or art. I still do art now, quite often when I am bored, but the issue is it is messy and my roommate doesn’t like it so I haven’t recently :/. I have tried before to designate a space but I always feel like I am in her way or she disaproves of my organized mess staying out for days, which is what my projects take.

“These once children, now adults can go on to psychologically abuse themselves to maintain a state of “normality” once they have been removed from an abusive situation. I don’t know if that makes any sense? It is possible to change these patterns and it involves a lot of relaxation techniques, practising healthy boundaries, communication and self-compassion.”

-Yes I completely understand! In fact I have been practicing all of these techniques in order to let go of past pain so that it does not dictate my future. That is what I was referring to when I called past pains, “samskaras,” that block our energy from fully passing through us. I don’t want past pain to dictate my comfort. Which may be why I am having a hard time recently with a long time childhood friend, the one coming to my birthday weekend. I am afraid that she is someone I picked out of past pain and now that I have been working to release these past scars, she no longer fills a need I no longer have… But I love her, and ending our relationship seems harsh and heart breaking…

“I will add that the person who I change the topic of conversation with isn’t receptive to discussing these things and has severe depression. I just repeatedly change the topic of conversation over and over otherwise we would be talking about what is depressing them the whole time.”

-What makes you not just let them go?

“Another good one when you are interrupted is, interrupting back and say “Sorry I was actually saying…” “

-This is actually something I have started doing! But I don’t like to, is the problem haha, it makes me feel like I am stooping to their level.

“I think if you try and help someone and they don’t have good boundaries it can set the tone for that being the entire relationship.”

-I end up in this scenario very often. I wonder if this has to do with the fact my mom treated me more like a friend than a daughter on many occasions, since I am the oldest. She has overstepped her sharing boundary many times.

Seaturtle