Dear Tee,

How are you doing?

Thank you very much for this beautiful message ❤️

Happy 1 May to you, Tee! 😊🌿

I did not reply to you earlier as I wanted to apply some of your advice regarding the therapy and coaching.

But to be honest with you what really helped me was when you told me to take care of my emotional needs by myself. And that it is not too late to be loved and to not feel helpless anymore. It never occurred to me before that I can still do that now as an adult.

Anyways, I decided to see how the session goes with the counselor. It was not easy for me to do it but I gave it a shot.

People were welcoming but unfortunately it was too judgmental and did not give me any tips on how to move on and heal faster.

For example, they told me that it was my fault that I stayed with my abusive family. I should report them to social services when I was a child and I wasn’t smart enough to do that. Really? Could I change anything back then?
<p style=”text-align: left;”>Also they told me that I ‘lost’ the man that I’ve met in the church because I was not proactive and waited too long. When he replied thank you to the video I should have contacted him again in a few days and say that I want to see him again. And that I should never ever tell him that my fiancée passed away as men are afraid of that. Is that true? I thought that after 3 divorces, he will be more understanding…</p>
Also he could at least tell me that he’s moving abroad, at least that…

I feel that I won’t come back there anymore and that it is not for me. Instead, I’ll try to do something about my life now without blaming myself for something I did not know better back then.

I’m still struggling to set some boundaries with my family as they have a way to always make me feel guilty. So the elderly that I was telling you about is my mom but also there is her cousin, as my grand parents passed away last year.

I’ve got job offers abroad but every time had to refuse them as I felt guilty. I was really trying to apply some changes and even told them that I am planning to move out and will travel for my work. They say that if I go, I won’t find them here when I come back or that they will finish with their lives and I will end up by myself!  My mom has a dog and told me that if I will leave her, she will give him away to strangers or even worst. She knows I love that dog and it feels like an manipulation with my feelings.

I can’t travel with him as no work allows it but staying in this place will make me more miserable and depressed. I feel torn apart right now between them and my life.

She also drinks and her mood is horrible after that. She got bitter with age and that’s her way of dealing with problems and the regrets. Everytime she talks about the past, my mistakes with other man, shouts, compares me to my father etc. If I try to protect myself and tell her that she should not drink and that I felt disappointed by both of them and abandoned, she says that I have my father’s character 🙁

She always gives examples of daughters who’s parents were alcoholics and abusers and those women were strong, not like me, and found husbands & got married. Why those comparisons? I don’t understand that.

Everytime her hurtful remarks make me sad and I need a few days to recover from that. How can I respond to her?

So it is really hard Tee. I know that there is many other women in the world that went through even harder experiences with their parents but it is not of any consolation for me.

Anyways, I’m sorry to be the negative Nelly in this message but I thought that I will share with you a little bit more.

I feel that I have to do something about my life as soon as I possibly can…

Tee, it was really nice to read your message and feel that someone, somewhere cares and doesn’t judge and genuinely wants to help me with her beautiful heart ♥️

Thank you Tee!

I hope to hear from you and how are you feeling. Lots of love and warmth 🌼

Dafne