Hi Seaturtle

I would encourage you to tell me if there is ever anything that hurts your feelings. It is certainly not my intent.

I appreciate your kind heart Seaturtle. You are a truth seeker!

From my perspective, the two of you were incompatible. He faced challenges being homeschooled and with his own trauma. And you faced your own challenges with yours. It’s sad that he didn’t accept you fully. I think you saw that from your very first thread. And you tried for a long time to give him a chance because you are a kind open minded person who is considerate of others. You accepted his trauma, but what you couldn’t accept was not being fully accepted yourself. Quite rightfully so! You are beautiful soul who deserves to be fully accepted!!!

Your ex made the mistake of lending money when he wasn’t truthful about his feelings about it. I believe that he even had difficulty paying bills at one point. No doubt part of him wanted to be chivalrous and help, but part of him worried about finances and he was resentful.

A lot of people are weird about lending money. It can cause problems in all kinds of relationships if the person isn’t 100% on board and willing to never see that money again. I’m sure that you would have paid him back over time when you could had things not gone horribly wrong during the break up. He sunk that ship by treating you badly.

Initially, the break up went well but it was sad to see that he became aggressive and you took a great deal of punishment from him because you felt guilty for leaving him. You shouldn’t feel guilty or take punishment for doing the right thing for you. That voice that was questioning the health of the relationship was spot on, so in the future I would pay attention to that voice. You have some good instincts.

He had one useful point during the initial part of the break up. But it was phrased pretty poorly. So I’m going to change the wording and kind of get to the essence of one thing he struggled with. He felt like you get hurt a lot. It became difficult to keep track of trying to help you with your feelings.

I think other partners in the future could easily have similar difficulties with that. However, I don’t think they would necessarily react in the same way and he reacted poorly.

This is something that I also had difficulty with in relationships because of my trauma. Something that I had to learn was that not every time I felt hurt was someone else’s fault. I had to learn to manage my own triggers and emotions. I also learned to phrase things so that my partner didn’t feel blamed for my feelings when triggered. I would say this has nothing to do with you but, I’m feeling this way right now because of my trauma. It helped my partner to be able to comfort me without feeling blamed.

That being said, there are times when things are still issues for example, everyone has preferences in relationships and it is healthy to communicate them and negotiate between parties how you would like a relationship to be. And there are times when people do things that are genuinely hurtful. It is honestly a delicate balance, one which I’m sure that you will find a balance with in your own time.

A fear you had is that your trauma would be too much in future relationships. I don’t think that will be the case. Trauma can cause ongoing problems, (I still struggle with it during conflict to this day) but you are an empathetic, caring person on an amazing journey of self discovery. You will learn to handle it all with grace. You will meet each challenge and conquer it!

If there are things that you disagree with, you are a courageous strong Seaturtle please feel free to speak your mind. I would like you to express your feelings about my thoughts. It is your life and your relationship. You are the expert in you! I can definitely be wrong!

Love and best wishes! 🙏❤️