Home→Forums→Relationships→Telling the difference between gut and fear in relationships
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seaturtle.
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April 12, 2024 at 8:28 am #431636
seaturtleParticipantDear Anita,
” (1) by using the word cleaning, do you mean that F referred to any sign of you (your words) such as your backpack, your shoes being .. dirt? If not, what did you mean by cleaning?”
He called the conversations “house cleanings.” He said cleaning as if “clearing” the air. Or, clearing his perceived air… He used those times to get everything off his chest that I had done to not show gratitude, such as leaving my stuff out, a dish in the sink or not talking with him enough when he got home from work. At one point it also bled in to how I treated his girlfriend, I made a comment about age that I don’t remember and apparently it hurt her feelings and she told him, he told me I was unaware at those house cleanings, unaware of what might hurt his girlfriends feelings even, all the things I was “unaware” of.
2) “we have to talk, there have just been too many things piling up. I just don’t understand why you do these things, why can’t you be more thoughtful of me. I have done all of this for you and you don’t even acknowledge it. You could acknowledge it by having a meal ready for me if you had free time, or at the very very least have your things cleared. Infact I think you should start to cook around here since you have so much freetime to sit around and watch your shows. That shouldn’t be too much of a sacrifice for you. (does she have any awareness? does she care about be at all? why doesn’t she understand how to be grateful, she must not even see what I am doing for her. But oh she’s crying, maybe she does have some emotional awareness, she sees that I am hurt and seems to understand and not want me to. maybe things will change). Let’s come up with a plan.”
– his plans involved inspiring me to cook for him or clean, but the plan would always start to dwindle away, I think cause it wasn’t my true self, once the inspiration he temporarily gave me to care for him in this manicured way I would stop, then a month later would be the next house-cleaning. They were just about every 3 months.
Seaturtle
April 12, 2024 at 8:30 am #431637seaturtleParticipantDear Anita,
On another note, I began a new topic in the Spirituality forum 🙂
Seaturtle
April 12, 2024 at 10:56 am #431644
anitaParticipantDear Seaturtle:
I didn’t yet read your new thread and am looking forward to it!
I wrote to you: “particularly after reading N’s recent talk, I think that he is deceptive, deceiving himself and those who listen to him.”, and you replied to this quote with: “I agree with this.” This is important for my understanding, that you agree with this point.
I wrote to you: “– caring for and listening to a deceptive man… makes the lid over the 3rd eye very heavy, heavier and heavier the longer you listen to him“, and your response: “It truly, truly does… I agree, a waste of energy“! Okay, so we are on the same page.
“I want to use my life to be in a path to enlightenment… in seeking teachers I found two. But I would also like to have conversation with people about these things… trying to un-identify with my false selves. I also want to learn what blocks my chakras and how to unleash Shakti. Perhaps this is exactly what I should post“- connecting this to the deception topic, you are talking about continuing to un-identify with deception, removing it from your 3rd eye and from blocking/ interfering with any of your chakras. I want to continue to do the same in my life.
In your reply to my first post this morning, you wrote: “He said cleaning as if ‘clearing’ the air…. to get everything off his chest that I had done to not show gratitude, such as leaving my stuff out, a dish in the sink or not talking with him enough when he got home from work… all the things I was ‘unaware’ of… ‘… why can’t you be more thoughtful of me. I have done all of this for you… (does she have any awareness? Does she care about be at all?…”-
– this is what N has been harping on/ using to make you feel bad, with his past “you have no clue what love is” accusatory message, and with his most recent, “I just can’t get over how much of a selfish ass**** you are”. He’s been continuing your father’s abusive work: guilt tripping you, and re-sending you the same (false) accusatory messages.
anita
April 13, 2024 at 11:01 am #431668seaturtleParticipantDear Anita,
” I wrote to you: “particularly after reading N’s recent talk, I think that he is deceptive, deceiving himself and those who listen to him.”, and you replied to this quote with: “I agree with this.” This is important for my understanding, that you agree with this point. “
-This is something I have to remind myself, but I do believe and I was reminded when we were together. My thoughts still go back and forth, much less than before but every once in a while I get this thought that he was fixable, but it’s just a thought and I know that is all it is. He is deceptive, especially to himself.
“caring for and listening to a deceptive man… makes the lid over the 3rd eye very heavy, heavier”
-It does, and I was reminded when I saw him again. Seeing him again would remind me again, but there is no point unless to get my stuff eventually or repay him. Just like alcohol and marijuana can rapidly close your third eye, so can N aka; a deceptive person. Now that I make that connection I see part of what kept me with N, a closed third eye why alot of people do drugs, right? He is a drug in this way.
“connecting this to the deception topic, you are talking about continuing to un-identify with deception, removing it from your 3rd eye and from blocking/ interfering with any of your chakras. I want to continue to do the same in my life.”
-Our third eyes are on the same page.
“this is what N has been harping on/ using to make you feel bad…He’s been continuing your father’s abusive work: guilt tripping you, and re-sending you the same (false) accusatory messages.”
-I am proud of my third eye not completely closing for the rest of my life with him. It was open just enough to know it didn’t want to always be close and to be with N, meant to close completely. A major turning point for me was also realizing I wanted an open third eye for my future kids, those exact words didn’t come to my mind but I knew on some level a relationship with him wouldn’t encourage my awake self for a family. I saw myself becoming my mom, with a closed third eye.
-Hopefully instead of there being alot of damage to my heart, done by two men sending it the same message, hopefully instead is a heightened awareness as to what it feels like to have someone close your third eye, so I can steer clear! There is probably a little bit of both, new damage and new awareness.
Seaturtle
April 13, 2024 at 11:20 am #431671anitaParticipantDear Seaturtle: I will read and reply here and in your new thread in the next 24-48 hours.
anita
April 13, 2024 at 2:19 pm #431673anitaParticipantDear Seaturtle:
“Every once in a while, I get this thought that he was fixable, but it’s just a thought and I know that is all it is. He is deceptive, especially to himself“-every once in a while, you want to help him. Every once in a while, he wants to hurt you.
“Just like alcohol and marijuana can rapidly close your third eye, so can N aka; a deceptive person“- loving a deceptive person who tries to hurt you every once in a while, closes one’s third eye.
“Our third eyes are on the same page“- (2 3rd eyes on 1 page emoji)
“A major turning point for me was also realizing I wanted an open third eye for my future kids… I saw myself becoming my mom, with a closed third eye“- part of the preparation to being a good mother.
anita
April 14, 2024 at 10:29 am #431688seaturtleParticipantDear Anita,
I acknowledge everything you said in your last post.
Seaturtle 🙂
April 18, 2024 at 3:44 am #431825
HelcatParticipantHi Seaturtle
I finally caught up to the break up. You really have been through a lot in recent months. COVID, a hurt knee and the surgery ontop of a difficult break up! You’ve been through so much, it’s nice to see you starting to heal and come out of the other side.
Would you like to hear my thoughts about the relationship and breakup? If you don’t want to at the moment, if you do in the future you can leave a message and let me know in the event that you do.
Wishing you all the best! ❤️🙏
April 28, 2024 at 8:52 pm #432117anitaParticipantThis Sunday evening is the concluding 25-year-old birthday weekend of a gen-z/ millennial Sea Turtle,
H A P P Y B I R T H D A Y, S E A T U R T L E!
anita
April 30, 2024 at 2:21 pm #432190seaturtleParticipantDear Helcat,
“I finally caught up to the break up. You really have been through a lot in recent months. COVID, a hurt knee and the surgery ontop of a difficult break up! You’ve been through so much, it’s nice to see you starting to heal and come out of the other side.”
I so appreciate your catching up with my story ❤
“Would you like to hear my thoughts about the relationship and breakup?”
Thank you for asking! I would like to hear your thoughts. Part of me is afraid to hear something I don’t want to but I value self awareness and growth over a bruised ego. So yes please, tell me your perspective.
Seaturtle
April 30, 2024 at 2:22 pm #432191seaturtleParticipantAnita!!
Again thank you for the birthday wishes ❤️
When is your birthday?
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