Hi Seaturtle

I’m glad that you feel validated and my message brought you peace. I can honestly see all of the hard work you have been doing even since you started writing here. That’s impressive to put so much work in, over a relatively short period.

Thank you for your kind message. I have a lot of respect for you too! I know that sometimes the things I suggest can be challenging. I find that challenges can lead to personal growth. It isn’t always easy though. I don’t ever wish to hurt you.

Something that I will have to be mindful of is taking my time and not just shooting off a quick message with things like that. It’s difficult to balance when I’m busy sometimes.

I cannot reiterate enough that if your feelings are ever hurt. I would like for you to tell me, so I can apologise.

Well done on spotting that same money issue pattern in others and figuring out the best way to handle it for you!

It is unfortunate when people stress over things and don’t share it, keeping it hidden. You aren’t a mind reader though. It’s not your fault. You’re a very reasonable person and would choose to help with any difficulties.

I have actually noticed that you handle conflict well.

I’m glad to hear that you are trusting yourself! That is really incredible that you managed to move past that behaviour. Congratulations! That is no easy feat.

It’s a shame that he had that view of emotion = weakness. It is very hard to grow and live like that.

I think you’re a very strong person to have been through what you have. I agree that trauma can lead to compassion for other people’s difficulties.

I would like to share something that I have learned recently during arguments with my partner. If that is okay?

He felt like he wasn’t being listened to and that he wasn’t being heard. He repeated this throughout our relationship but no matter how I listened that feeling never went away. Recently, he started opening up more and explaining what he actually needed me to do.

I have difficulty with treating people with empathy during a conflict if I feel like I am being treat poorly. I get defensive when I feel like I’m being “attacked” for lack of better words.

He asked for me not to shut down and to try and stay present and engage with empathy even when he makes mistakes in communication during conflict. He asked for me to acknowledge when he had done things right at other times, when I give feedback about what is going wrong. He also asked for me to validate his feelings. To acknowledge his feelings are valid even when they aren’t my fault. I’ve been working hard to try to integrate these changes and it has been helping. I’m going to give an example of this new style of communication I’ve developed during a disagreement.

“I can understand why you feel like you aren’t being heard or listened to during disagreements. I’m sorry for making you feel that way, it was not my intent. I never want to make you feel that way. I think that you feel like this when we disagree and have different perspectives. It hurts me when you yell during arguments which is something that happens when you feel like you’re not being heard. You worked really hard to manage this and when it wasn’t happening during every disagreement it felt like it wasn’t on purpose. I’m not asking for perfection. You are a loud person and passionate person when communicating in general, but if you could work on managing it so it could be like that again that would be really helpful.”

Love and best wishes! ❤️🙏