Dear Tee,

How was your weekend? I’m glad that you are feeling better 💖

You are such a special person. I was so deeply touched by your words. You have helped me more than anyone else. I feel like I’m talking to my best friend or a family member. I understand the people who say that family is what you make it to be.

You’re right those counselors weren’t professional and unfortunately my anxiety skyrocketed after that visit. I had very mixed feelings. I found them on the church board and decided to go for it as it is a place I trusted but seems like they don’t even know them. I asked the priest and he said that he has no personal experience with them. What is sure, I’m not going to go back to that place again and instead will try to apply your plan for the future and moving away at some point. I could still visit frequently and help as much as I can without staying accesible and feel stuck in one place with them full time.

But Tee, what should I do with that little dog? He did not deserve to be treated like that. What if my mother is serious and will give him away. His heart would not handle it as he has a separation anxiety and doesn’t stay alone at home and never at other people’s place. Is there anything I can do? I feel so helpless and it is a blackmail indeed.

I wish things were different but they are not. And you’re so right about that wrong mind program running in my head since childhood. It is mostly those little statements that my family always used on me: don’t talk, stay quite, what people will think, hide in your room or he (my uncle or my dadd) will get more angry when he sees you smiling (I could not smile in the presence of my uncle), don’t touch this, your opinion doesn’t matter etc. So yes, I was not aware how destructive those comments are and what effect they have on a child and later on an adult.

I feel lots of fear. I hope it will not prevent me from moving away and finding my own place. I’m not sure if I can make it on my own. It is ironic how we are emotionally attached to people who have hurt you the most in life. Isn’t it?

Thank you Tee for cultivating this safe and loving space for me and all of us. Really helpful suggestions and reflections. Much love ❤️

So grateful for you. Take care Tee and I’m praying for your healing 🙏