Anita –

It was a short lived attempt unfortunately.   I was trying to be patient as I knew this was going to be a long and difficult journey.  However pretty quickly I could tell that she was hesitating and just not being that trustworthy and transparent, honest and reliable person that you mentioned in the last post.   Today I found some messages on her work computer with a guy that she works with.  When our issues started over a year ago with her pulling back and giving me that feeling that she wanted to leave my thoughts were that she was involved with this guy.  A number of things had come up that worried me, however she always denied and told me that i was overreacting and that there was nothing there.

I’ve been Mr nice guy and have always put her needs above mine, this is what I needed to finally get it thru my thick scull that I deserve so much more and need to find someone that actually WANTS to be with me.

I’m MAD and SAD, probably more mad at myself for being a doormat and always believing her.  We were set to leave for a vacation in a couple days.  It won’t be easy but I’m still going WITHOUT her.  I’ve asked her to be out by the time I get back.

Meatball