Hi Simon

It is difficult to feel happy with high levels of anxiety. It’s really important to manage your anxiety and relax in some way.

Catastrophising and planning for worst case all of the time is exhausting. How often did the very worst case actually happen? I bet that most of the time things worked out okay and sometimes somewhere in the middle (not as good but not the worst). It sounds like you’re quite good at planning. There is something really important for you to know. When you are calm, you can plan just as effectively. Those skills are still there. Catastrophising is a mental trap that only serves to make you miserable and one of the things that keeps people doing it is the belief that it protects them. Disproving these things to yourself and building confidence in your calm planning skills can be really helpful.

Not feeling good enough is another thing to disprove to yourself. If your beliefs change it is much easier to be kind to yourself. This is an exercise that is helpful that should be done on a regular basis for a long time when you are feeling calmer (it can make things worse if you are not calm). Changing a belief doesn’t happen quickly.

The exercise is considering what a bad person is and what a good person is to you. Then you prove to yourself that you are a good person by writing down all of the good things about yourself. This could be characteristics that you like or actions that you do. Starting off small can be helpful. If you have difficulty, balancing out with some things you don’t like about yourself can feel more honest initially. Because it is hard to write good things about yourself when you aren’t used to it.

For example, my attempt at this exercise looks like. I take good care of my family and pets. I’m a loyal person. I comfort people when they are in pain. I’m kind. I always try my best.

Back when I started it would look more like. I picked up a strangers keys and returned them. I bought a friend a meal. I like that I’m intelligent. I feel weak because I’m anxious all of the time.

It can also be helpful to write down when people compliment you as well as who said it.

There’s a lot more for me to write. I just wanted to get this part of the way first. Beliefs are one really important part of why we are unhappy and working hard to change beliefs is helpful because no one can do it for us.