Dear Seaturtle:

I looked up Body and Brain Yoga, it reads: “a unique blend of Yoga, Tai Chi, Breathwork and Meditation exercises”- reads like a winning combination. I did lots of yoga and tai chi classes back in the day. I miss the Tai Chi Sifu. He was indeed very skillful, physically and mentally.

“you are not directly in my shoes“- true.

“Currently, and recently I have been made aware of these shadows, aka false selves, and they are overwhelming when stacked together… I lost that little girl for a while because, as you know, I had to quiet her to stay in that relationship“- I will tell you what this means to me, about me/ my life, being directly in my shoes: the little girl that I was, she was trusting and loving and beautiful. What I just typed, I typed comfortably, spontaneously, with no self-doubt, no guilt attached, no shame. It never happened until most recently (I was sure- almost- all along, that I was a bad girl= bad person). But not this morning as I am typing this for you to read.

This was/ is my true self: trusting, loving and beautiful.

My false selves: (1) the angry self, angry at all the people my mother was angry with (everyone, sooner or later), (2) the suspicious, distrusting self, suspicious and distrusting of.. everyone, sooner or later, (3) the unintelligent, inattentive self = a reaction-self: a reaction to significant/ severe abuse, (4) the helpless, hopeless self, again: a reaction to abuse, (5) the ugly self, the self that wronged others… (6) the inferior self, inferior to my peers/ people, (7) the superior self, the other side of the same (# 6) coin.

I am now significantly free-er of these false selves, never before free-er than I am now. Thank you for being part of this self-freeing process.

anita