Dear Anita,

Thanks for sharing your journey with me, it is reassuring to know that what I am facing can be solved. I am having a session with my therapist tomorrow, I hope I can use therapy to heal myself. I try to remind myself that these intrusive thoughts are not my reality, they are not dangerous; but they feel so real, and their effect over my life, my emotional health and my view towards life itself is so real. How can I free myself from the constant comparisons and insecurities? I think I have some self-esteem issues and this scholarship situation and the subsequent intrusive thoughts made it worse.

About not feeling happy- I feel down most of the time, even when good things/exciting things are happening. I do not know if this would be the right word to use, but I feel depressed. This might partially be due to my intrusive thoughts and partially due to my internal pressure, but it keeps me weary and teary. Even at this moment I am on verge of crying.

I would like to have your thoughts over this.

Kshitij