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Reply To: Telling the difference between gut and fear in relationships

HomeForumsRelationshipsTelling the difference between gut and fear in relationshipsReply To: Telling the difference between gut and fear in relationships

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seaturtle
Participant

Dear Helcat,

“There are people in life who just become part of the cycle of generational trauma and there are people who choose to heal, grow past it and find their own way”

I know exactly what you are saying. I definitely had an opportunity to stay asleep but made the decision I would rather see things as they are. I realize that this has pros and cons, a pro is wisdom but a con is taking on the generational trauma for your whole lineage. I want to surround myself with these “rare” types of souls, as like a support group. Some days are certainly harder than others.

“And people with empathy listen and reflect, wondering if that person was right when we are told something cruel. Particularly so, when there is underlying trauma that the message aligns with.”

This sentences touches me. There is still a lot of underlying trauma I have, that does interact with my empathy and creates some self doubt.

“Whereas with a stranger there is no expectation, no attachment”

I have been interested in this concept of “detachment” lately. It’s a new concept to me, from google:

  • Emotional detachment: Letting go of emotional dependency on others without becoming cold or indifferent. It can involve finding a balance where you can care for someone without losing yourself. Signs of emotional detachment include avoiding people or situations, difficulty empathizing, and feeling disconnected. While it can be a positive coping mechanism, it can become problematic if it affects your ability to form healthy relationships.

The first two sentences seem positive, but the rest seems negative. I think this is a place I have been teetering in. I have been called “cold” by the people that I do in fact intend to distance myself from. Like F, my friend P and N. N is gone, but the other two are very much in my life. It is difficult when F or P do, like you said, “make the odd comment that brings up old trauma… a lot of space is needed and maintaining contact is a sacrifice emotionally”

 “I think it’s important to use your judgment to see if you think something is right or not.”

I want my own judgement to be stronger.

I love the rambles! haha.

“.. when we resist something we give it a lot of importance in our mind. The more painful, the more “important”,…I don’t know if you felt like you were thinking about the relationship when you didn’t want to?”

I agree, the more uncomfortable, the bigger of a samskara it is. The bigger blockage it is, the more it is preventing us from feeling the full flow of chi and shakti energy.

“I also find that people who walk their dogs are especially kind”

hahaha, I don’t come across those people in my day to day but I don’t doubt it. And yes, I love when you meet the type of older person that is still laughing and STILL open minded.

“While I was reflecting on the specialness of Seaturtle it made me realise that the name is so apt!”

I wonder, would you share with me why you see it as apt? 🙂

Seaturtle