Dear Tee,

How is your week going?

Thank you for your compassion and care for my well being 🙏 Yes, I had it twice and it was even worst than the first time. Also the vaccine gave me all kind of weird symptoms and I’ve heard that many people deal with those issues long term. And if for example we had anxiety (or another health concern) before the vaccine or COVID, then the virus attacks that part of the body and makes it much worst.

You’re so right Tee, nature can heal us and it can help us to relax and recover faster.

I stopped doing most of my projects after the break up. I just couldn’t find the same energy and inspiration as before. I used to spend a lot of time with him and his kids in the nature and now it doesn’t feel the same. I miss him till now even after realising that he had some anger issues or was controlling. I somehow accepted it as a human nature. His father was quite controlling with his mother but it was normal for the older generations. It meant that he cared and loved her because he was jealous.

I believe a little jealousy is not bad in a relationship but it can’t go out of control and lead to the emotional or physical abuse. I’m quite conservative in my outlook in life when it comes to relationships so I was happy to finally meet a traditionally minded man.

To answer your question, he is living in the house that he bought on mortgage. After their divorce, the ex wanted to escape to another city or country but he stopped her (by court). He also took children’s passports so they can’t travel abroad until they are 18 years old. He did this because he was afraid that she will take them far away. Then his ex went to live with her aunt and her kids on the other side of the city. That situation lasted for a few years and then they agreed to live closer to eachother. So she started renting a place not too far away from him. And now I don’t know as he stopped contacting me.

My mother suspected that they had some silent agreement between each other to keep the finances ,in family’ and never let him marry again. And I’ve never got to see the final divorce papers.

They used to have an arrangement where his kids stayed at his house every 2 weekend. So they shared the custody. Then just before our brake up, she moved closer to him and the kids stayed more often at his. When my mother came to help with his kids, they had summer holidays, but he had to go to work. My mother helped for the entire school holiday.

And yes, my mother did pay a lot for the treatment of her dog. The problem is that if she gets angry or realises that I want to move out, she starts blackmailing me. It’s just the way you described it. She starts guilty trips or memory flashbacks. I think she is able to give him away when the need arises to make her point and she might harm herself too. I just don’t trust her judgment when she drinks.

Another thing was that my fiancé’s sisters and him as well did not allow any dogs inside their or his house as for them animals are dirty and smell. So when my mom got the dog he wasn’t welcome anymore. But what was ironic, my fiancée did not mind coming to people’s houses where the dogs live 🙂

And he did not mind to come to my father’s house (with 2 dogs) and imposed on coming to my mother’s place (with a dog). So it felt very conditional.

After the brake up, he wanted to stay friends with me but it was me who always reached out first. Then I decided to stop writing to him and he did not contact me for more than 1 year. He blamed me and my mother for the end of our relationship. We were together for about 4 years and kids are now 12 and 15 years old.

I hope I gave you now a little bit of a clearer picture of this complicated situation. It is still emotionally hunting me. Meanwhile, I could not find anyone with similar values and that could help me to move on.

I’m telling myself that if he really cared about me, he would never break off the engagement because of my mother’s refusal. What difference did it make? He would try to make it work somehow because he could not stand the thought of losing me. Well, at least that’s what I would do in the same situation.

Tee, what do you think? Would you try contacting him again and see how his life goes? Or it is a waste of time and it might do more harm?

Would you ever accept living with a man in such a partnership (situationshp) or the whole live-in proposal was bad news?

This situation made me think of my parents. My fiancé was at least trying to protect his children and their mother. My father did the opposite. He did the same arrangement but to protect his young ex wife and her daughter after his death. And she doesn’t even care about him.

It seems that it is some kind of revange from my father. He always prefered to have a boy and I always felt that.

Last time I spoke with my father’s ex, she told me that she is paying for the house (she still lives there and visits now and then) and doesn’t know what nonsense my dadd told me (her words). My father told me that they both contribute 50/50. They both tell me 2 different versions. Also her daughter can come and go as she pleases but there was not even a room for me and I always had to announce my visit and stay on their terms (no key either). I never felt that I’m visiting a father. I’m trying to let all those negative thoughts go as much as I can. I pray and let it with God but it still hurts.

I feel that my parents still keep grudges towards eachother and I was the one suffering from the consequences of their past. They both say that they want to forget it but somehow they don’t.

Tee, do you see the pattern here? Is there anything I can do to stop attracting same people and situations into my life (that are the reflection of my father)? They say that the history likes to repeat itself and that our life depends on the frequencies we send to the Universe. Are you familiar with that concept?

Tee, I hope I did not overwhelm you with such a load of information. There are those things that I’m still struggling to comprehend. I wish to find the answers one day but most importantly the peace of mind.

Thank you for offering your help Tee and for making me feel that I’m not alone on this journey 🙏

From my heart to yours ❤️

 
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