Wishing you all the best.
You can try separating yourself from the thoughts (metacognition if you want to look it up) – ‘oh, I notice that thought about suicide is passing through my mind again’. Don’t judge it. It’s electrical impulses and neurones doing their thing. It’s no more meaningful than any other passing thought and will fade when the next pop-up thought appears.
Of course, if you are having urges to kill yourself then you are aware that you need professional help. Suicide is a problem-solving failure when the desperate individual can’t think of alternatives to manage their suffering.
Sending a hug.