Hi Chau / Clara

I think it’s really great that you are putting in the work on figuring things out during the break.

You have been feeling a lot recently, including anger. Anger is an emotion with a purpose. It lets you know when you have unmet needs or when boundaries have been crossed. When you understand the reason it is easier to let go because you can address it.

I would agree in some cases about people falling out of love when they are hurt. The days where I fell out of love, I felt deeply hurt by my partner. I was doubting the relationship.

Yes, it is not helpful for you to have to be the one to notice when something is wrong. She needs to communicate more openly and tell you.

Does your partner share her emotions with you? It is good for people to support each other, as well as taking responsibility for our own emotions.

Yes, relationships do take a lot of work and compromise. Even good relationships.

I hope it is okay if I share with you some things that my partner and I learned in couples counselling.

Check in with each other and ask how was your day every day, at a particular time can be helpful.

Keep difficult conversations to 30 minutes. Set a timer.

During difficult conversations take turns to talk for 5 minutes each, the other person is not allowed to speak during your time. A timer is helpful here too.

Taking a break when difficult converstions get too much can be helpful. Some people like to use a funny code word for that. Lollipop for example.

This is something that we noticed. When there relationship problems talking about it all of the time is stressful and wears on the relationship. Nothing ever cools down or feels normal. So we made a rule to only discuss relationship problems once a week for 30 minutes. After a meal. Judges often make better decisions sentencing after a meal.

This involved planning what to talk about and doing it piece by piece because there isn’t a huge amount of time for discussion. It gave us a sense of normalcy in the relationship back and taught us to defer talking about problems until we’d cooled down and given it some thought.

Love and best wishes! ❤️🙏