<p style=”text-align: right;”>Hey,</p>
 

Thanks for your reply. I stayed at hers last night and I do feel better after calming down and relaxing. She’s essentially said she doesn’t know what she wants and she could cut me off at any time, but for now she wants it to be normal.  My issue now is that nearly every moment I spend with her I’m happy and forget for a minute, then I think how great it would’ve been if I hadn’t done what I’d done and I was just sitting there guilt free and in love with her.

I know it seems like self sabotage, but I can’t stop thinking that she deserves more. The feeling did go before for about a month but then came back in a huge wave, and I’m hoping slowly it’ll go away again.

I know real life isn’t a fairy tale, but I wish I’d learned this lesson before this girl. It was perfect in every moment with her before this. I’m going to try and keep it normal till next month. She even admitted yesterday she was expecting to leave London in a relationship with me until I told her again last weekend. This is after me admitting sleeping with the other girl a month ago. We’ve gone back to normalish, slept with each other twice last night, and strangely she seems to have gotten over an issue she had with struggling to be aroused physically, although she was mentally. This caused a bit of discomfort between us both.

The important thing for me to do now is try to forgive myself, so that we can both move on. I accept any decision she might make as I’m the one who messed up, but it’s just going to be a matter of waiting and time.