Dear Famo:

I spent some time trying to locate Luna but wasn’t successful.

“My mind is constantly telling me negative things“- it’s usually the voice of a critical parent replaying in our brains, repeating and expanding on the criticisms given in childhood (called the inner critic).

“And wow, I never thought about me rejecting his expression of himself. You see, his jokes are a little harsh, and it was really hard for me to handle“- it is your right, of course, to reject jokes that are harsh or abusive. I would too, at least I hope I would. So, I am not saying that you shouldn’t have rejected his jokes. I am saying that he may have felt more comfortable around coworkers who enjoyed his jokes, and it could be the reason why he shared some personal details about his life with them.

“Now that I think about it, it could make sense. I actually feel bad now, and I don’t know how to fix this. So basically, I destroyed everything with my triggers“- this is all-or-nothing thinking on your part. It is not true that you destroyed everything.

Reads like it something your inner critic said to you: Famo, you destroy everything!  That’s a harsh, abusive inner critic.

“What should I do about myself, as I feel that I cannot keep things good with me being triggered all the time?“- examine your inner critic’s criticisms: are they true or false, exaggerated or accurate?

Silencing a harsh, abusive inner critic takes time and work but it brings peace to the location where it’s needed most: in-between one’s ears.

“I am being ignorant of the fact that he is depressed because I am too anxious about being left alone, and all I think about is myself“- when a person is too anxious (fearing a perceived danger), the person is naturally focused on one’s safety. It’s when calm, that you can extend attention to the other person.

“he said that he is not able to compromise (‘I don’t want any human interaction at the moment’)“- does this mean that you and him are on a break?

anita