Hi Anita and Helcat,

Since my last post, I have continued meditation. I go for walk in the morning listening to music. I have continued journaling and continued reading book on Buddhism. I have continued sharing things with my brother. It helped me for few days and after a long time I was really relaxed.

I had a bad dream yesterday and the past things resurfaced.  The negative thoughts started to consume me after I woke up and I had to fight it really hard. Whole day I was engulfed with it and by the end of the day I was really exhausted. The negative thoughts are so intense and they seem difficult to handle. I became sad seeing my efforts going in vain.

Hi Anita,

Today, I shared my yesterday’s feeling with my brother and he patiently listed to me. I am thankful to him but I feel if I am unnecessarily dragging him into my problems.

Posting here soothes me as it has helped me to open myself and express my feelings.

Hi Helcat,

I am still at my sister’s place and going back to my place in two weeks time. I am positive about seeking professional help once I go back to my place. I am aware that I need to get out of this mess as it has destroyed moments of my life.  I was going through old photos in my phone. All I could remember in those pics was thinking to end my life.

One query though, with you therapy did you relapse after some sessions of treatment? Only answer if you are comfortable sharing it.

Thank you for going through my post.