Hi Anita

Thanks. I agree with all you said. It does look like her pattern, I didn’t really consciously thought about it, and I am sure she didn’t realize it until this day. How ironic it is that I seemd to have found some of her patterns, that she didn’t even realize, AFTER we break up.

I am very used to putting the blame on myself when things go  wrong, I guess that’s where i doubted if I was wrong, did I sound too harsh, did I do xxx yy zz that casused this. I think I have asked myself, and around, it seems asking her to move out ASAP is the best, for the both of us actually. It is important to hold her responsible for what she has chosen.

The therapy went very well. On top of updating my therapist on the current situation. I brought up my childhood trauma/ emotional distress. Despite the chaos happening at home with my parents, I was able to find a moment which I was hugged by my mother when there was one time I was very upset, probably at 8 or9 years old. I sat on that image, and my therapist said that was the moment when i was securely attached, and she digged deeper into the texture of that memory. I have tears in my eyes just recalling this, and I do feel a sense of warmth coming up from my chest now. Last week my friend did some somatic experiencing with me, I hugged this stuffed animal and I felt I was hugging my inner child, in my imaginatary exercise, I hugged my little child.

My therapist also said, I am used to caring for others, at times like this, I should also be taken care by others, like a carefree dinner with my friends.

I realized the lifegoal of my ex and myself are different also. She is still exploring and experimenting life, while i am very ready, and may be wanting to have a home/ even family of my own.

I felt more secure, and my heart is definitely clearer after today’s session.

Clara