Dear taiga:

You shared that you’ve known your wife since the two of you were in your early 20s, (now in your early 30s), been married for more than 5 years, and you “have great admiration and respect for her and..  doting on her“. You want to have sex and a family with her, but every time you tried to consummate the marriage, she rejected you. You figure that she might have “fears and possibly pains“, and tried to persuade her to see a medical specialist, but “she doesn’t seem to think that there is an issue by brushing me off“.

“It is so bad that at times, I’d imagine that I better off stop living in this world… I have now come to the verge of giving up, perhaps myself or this relationship…  feeling like a loser or a creep. I look around and see my peers are having a happy family with their kids and it just makes me feel very useless not being able to even consummate our marriage“-

– it is interesting that in a paragraph earlier, in your 2nd sentence, you wrote: “have been happily married“, doesn’t read like happy when you imagine that you might be better off not living in this world, when you feel like a loser or a creep, useless and envious of your peers.

“I have great admiration and respect for her… she doesn’t seem to think that there is an issue by brushing me off“- seems like she doesn’t respect you when she repeatedly and knowingly ignores an issue that is troubling you so much.

In some places you can legally annul a marriage for lack of consummation. Here’s from nyc divorce lawyers. com/ can our marriage be annulled if it was never consummated: “When a couple divorces, it is documented in the county in which they live. If a couple is granted an annulment, the marriage is completely erased from all records as if it never happened at all. Because this type of dissolution is so extreme, there must be a good reason for it to be granted. Below is an overview of how annulments work and if you can obtain one if your marriage was never consummated…

“The law allows annulments to take place in cases where the marriage was never consummated or one party was impotent or otherwise unable to consummate the marriage. It is important to determine if one party was deceitful and never intended to consummate the marriage in an annulment, as well”.

Notice the last sentence in the quote above: if your wife never intended to consummate the marriage, then she has been deceitful.. and that’s definitely disrespectful of you.

More thoughts and quotes:

Asexuality is a lack of sexual attraction to others, having a low or absent interest or desire for sexual activity. Your wife may be asexual.

Hypoactive sexual desire disorder (HSDD) is a diagnosable disorder in regard to having a low/ absent sexual desire for an extended period of time, and which causes the person distress.

Psychology today/ sexual desire disorder: “Sexual desire disorder is a psychiatric condition marked by a lack of desire for sexual activity over a prolonged period… To meet the criteria for female sexual interest-arousal disorder, the symptoms must be present for at least six months and cause significant distress to the individual…

“Some risk factors for developing a sexual desire disorder include: * Negative attitudes about sexuality, *Relationship difficulties (poor communication, abuse)… * Medical conditions… * History of emotional or physical abuse… * Other psychiatric diagnosis (depression, anxiety) * medication side effects..”.

Is the above of any help to you, taiga?

anita