Dear butterfly:

You are very welcome!  “I had two relatively peaceful relationships of 5 and 2 years“- it is possible for you to have (another) relatively peaceful relationship. Is it possible for him: did he have a relatively peaceful long-term (2-5 years) relationship in his past?

“I’m tired of negative experience of us both fighting“- has he been the one initiating the fights and prolonging them?

“But I am trying to accept the part I had in it“-  you were not perfectly peaceful while under the duress of war? (You wrote in your original post: “I always seek peace and harmony“).

“we both got noise cancelling headphones, but that won’t be enough… Putting a wall between both our offices will increase the house’s resale value… I now have to deal with the resentment of this whole two weeks fighting and not enjoying the atmosphere in the house. I don’t often have vacations and I am very mad at him for ruining it“- headphones will not be enough to cancel your resentment, neither will a wall.

“Isn’t it always a balance between good and bad times?“- I suppose it’s a balance between good times and bad times that are unpredictable or can’t be prevented (like sickness, getting fired from a job). But if one partner (or both) repeatedly create problems and suffering that don’t have to be there, then..

There is a saying: The Proof is in the Pudding, meaning: the true value or quality of something can only be determined by experiencing it first hand. Is this pudding (relationship) good for you, day in and day out, long term?

anita