I have been learning more about attachment styles and negative communication cycles.

What I’ve learned about insecure attachment is that one person tends to take responsibility for emotional regulation and the other tends to take responsibility for trying to resolve problems. In healthy attachment, both parties do both things.

I’ve learned that the past conflict patterns and unmet needs with particularly with parents shape how we communicate during disagreements. Triggers are very much involved.

I also learned about attachment needs. There are various needs. I’ll include the list below.

To feel close to you, I need to know:

You value me and our relationship

You’ll respond to me in moments where I reach out to you

You’ll reach to me in support during times of need

You appreciate me and my efforts

My needs as an individual matter to you

You hold me in high esteem

You are willing to see and understand me

My feelings are valid to you

You respect me

There’s a clear path to pleasing you

You see me as a successful partner

I can trust your love and loyalty

You can trust my love and loyalty