Hello Anita

It’s been another few days. After this is clearer, I think I am another step to not be too affected by her(her being in my mind, not really having any interaction anyways)

I think this is one of the comments that I received often, from my friend. That she thinks too shallow(may be too compartmentalize/ emotional unaware if we use more psychologicacl terms), while they all know how much of a deep thinker I am.  But the funny thing is, I think I knew this, and my mind says ‘if you are committed to someone, then you should not give up on that person because of her “flaw” ‘ I do feel sometime I am not completely accepting, if I were to work on myself, then I should be more empathetic. But I did have some negative reaction when she had moments where she seemed to be completely ignorant of what she was doing, or the effect of her actions.

I think that’s the reason why i didn’t set up an appropriate/ healthy boundary? In my mind, I think I should work with her to see how we can improve, rather than, just walk away. The fine line between being perservance and being stubborn, is hard to manage in a relationship for me. When should a relationship really stops?

She is indeed good at her job, and some superficial interaction . She does have feelings and she does care for others, and I can sense it throughout our relationship, It felt like she couldn’t help it, and a lot of time she really didn’t know what she has done. That made me feeling quite unsure what to do, on one hand, I think sometime objectively, she should be more emotional mature(given she is 40, but honestly there are a lot 40’s who are still not knowing what they are doing in their lives, so I can’t say that i guess…), on the other hand, I think she really doesn’t have the skills or capability yet so I should be more empathetic.

I think being with this person has given me a lot of lessons to learn, given that we are quite different. I think we must have cared for each a lot at some points, that allowed us to sustain 5.5 years of relationship

good morning on your side

Clara