Dear Shandrea:

“I think I was abused, The adults in my family watched our actions and abused us“- it’s a bad thing that you were abused, and a good thing that you recognize that you were abused, because recognizing it is the basis for healing.

“I was not allowed to say no they made us smile when we were sad“- remember I told you that in the photo you look serious? Wel, you are not smiling in the photo and it is fine with me! I used to hate smiling when I didn’t feel like smiling.  I no longer smile unless I feel like it. Back to your photo: your sincere, unsmiling face is beautiful!

“Also in friendships as well“- it’s important to exit any kind of abusive relationship whenever, wherever possible: be it a parent- child relationship, a romantic relationship, a friends-relationship, any kind.

“I am a product of my environment“- we are very much products of our environments, particularly of the family-environment. If I was born into a very different family, I would have been a very different person. The same is true to you and to everyone else.

Healing from childhood abuse makes it possible for us to become healthier people with much improved inner-experience (how we feel) and outer experience (how we interact with other people).

“When I was a kid nobody cared but my mom but she really didn’t care either“- this means.. nobody cared. I am so sorry. No wonder you didn’t feel like smiling.

“I don’t like being judged. I will take positive criticism“- being judged (criticized unempathetically, aggressively) by others and by ourselves keep us sick. Suggestions on how to function better in life should be offered empathetically, gently and kindly.

“I am so thankful to have found this website, and thankful to have met Anita.. Thank you for giving me a safe space, to let out all the things my childhood tried to make me hide“- you are very welcome. I am glad to have done my part in offering you a safe space to reveal, to no longer hide.

“I signed myself up for therapy… because I always thought I was different and if I am I want to know.“- good thing, Shandrea.

Getting to know who you are underneath the abuse, who you are beyond being a product of the environment is an amazing discovery process, one that will make you feel accomplished (title of your thread: I want to feel accomplished) every day, as long as you are engaged in the process!

Reading your recent posts this Tues morning has made my day a better day, thank you!

anita