Dear Sammie:

You are welcome! “The amazing friends I speak of are the ones in my city. The horrible things happened in Manchester… I always felt like the outsider which is why I don’t think they believed me (or wanted to believe me). Fair weather friends, as they say“- fair weather friends: supporting you if it’s easy and convenient for them. I see.

“I too was waiting for the next criticism. It’s so difficult because we try our best and try and meet their expectations but the goal posts continuously move further away from us“- sometimes children (and adults) stop trying. It’s called learned helplessness, as in, I am not trying anymore because what would be the point..?

“I have been focusing on the positives in my life (because there are many) however I agree, I have not been processing the negatives“- unresolved negatives block our view of the positives, like dark clouds blocking the sun. Processing and resolving negatives clears the view, dispersing dark clouds, and we can better see the light blue shade of the sky.

“How can people like that go into someone’s life and cause emotional destruction and they be let off all the pain?“- abusive people abuse because of their unprocessed and unresolved negatives and pain. They spread their pain around, passing it on to other people.

“How you have explained his projection of his mother onto me has been very useful to read. Him focusing on the then and there instead of the here and now. This makes me realise that it was not me, there was nothing I could do differently“- I agree! Similarly, there was nothing I could have done differently, as a child, so to get a better treatment from my mother. She projected other people into me and reacted to them, not to me.

“There was never going to be anything I could do. The course was set from the start“- There was nothing you could have done to change the course of your relationship with him because it was set at a time before he ever met you. Similarly, the course of my relationship with my mother was set at a time before I was born to her.

Thank you for reading.“- you are welcome, and thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings here!

anita