It sounds like you’re going through a powerful spiritual journey, with intense experiences like bright lights, vivid dreams, and deep connections with nature. These can be overwhelming, especially when combined with personal struggles like a tough marriage and your father’s passing. It’s normal to feel lost and unsure during such times. Trust your intuition, I know its hard, but seeking guidance from others, whether through spiritual mentors or supportive communities, might help. Trust me, you are not alone in this—many people have faced similar experiences and found their way. Be kind to yourself and keep exploring at your own pace. I ensure, one day when you will look back, you will just smile at your journey.