Hi Anita,

Thank you for your response.. and your analysis, if I can call it that way. Yes, it seems like you have a point.

Almost as if she was angry at you and tried to hurt your feelings, as in saying (paraphrased): I prefer to spend my time with someone else (a boyfriend) than with you!

i remember I was surprised when hearing this because I was in a relationship and it really did not bother me that we were friends and we were talking or texting sometimes, mostly during work hours. What’s wrong with that?  There are days when  I have lots of time for lunch break so we talked (with her and with other coworkers). It’s something that keeps us sane at work, I think.

But the way she phrased it, it seemed like she.. resented me. But for what? For needing to talk to me? For having some emotional needs that perhaps I fulfilled by listening her talking about her day? Seems really confusing now.

I know I sometimes talked about my boyfriend, or maybe ‘mentioned’ is a better word, but not in a “I’m in a relationship, and you’re not” kind of way, but more like.. if I was texting her and he asked me to go shopping with him I would text her: “okay we’re going shopping, talk to you later, bye”. He is part of my life so it’s hard to not mention him when he lives here lol.

Now I’m thinking maybe I was rubbing  my relationship in her face, but not that I wanted to do it but maybe she perceived it that way. I think I am more relaxed when it comes to bragging about my relationship, I don’t even think about it that way. We are together 10 years and it’s kind of.. nothing exciting anymore haha, I hope you know what I mean. So it is really surprising to me now thinking that she could envy me or something. It’s like.. not nice at all, I thought she liked me and now I have doubts about it.

seems like she was trying to make a point to you: I HAVE A BOYFRIEND! Here he is! Here’s another photo! He is wit me, not you!

Sending me those photos with him was for sure a bit weird, since a) I never did that with my boyfriend so it wasn’t like our thing to do b) all those photos, as I already said were almost identical. Them sitting in the same position, smiling and hugging. Just different background. I think I got 10 or more of those photos, sent every time she had a date with him. To be honest I did not know how to respond – I kept adding the heart emojis and that’s all. Or responded something like “You look cute together, happy for you” etc. Obviously she wanted to show me that she is happy. And it fine, I guess.

It’s just… when she used to date some random guys and talked to me about it I was supportive and you know… encouraged her, gave her advise etc. And whenever I mentioned something like “omg my boyfriend is getting on my nerves” or something, she would ignore the topic. Like, did not even ask additional questions. Sometimes I felt like she did not want to touch this topic. I am not sure, maybe I am wrong but there were couple of times when I felt that way. That’s why, as I said before I only “mentioned” my boyfriend because very rarely I elaborated on anything relationship related. And maybe it sounds petty and childish but I always added a heart emojis to her dating life stories (I think it’s nice and shows support) but she rarely did. Often it was a ‘thumbs up emoji’ or ‘shocked face’. I know it may sound childish like I’m twelve or something. But it’s the small things sometimes that we see. Sometimes that isn’t said but it’s shown. Would you agree?

I think that her behavior is not a result of her having a boyfriend and therefore, having less time for you, but a result of some anger she built up before her relationship..?

I agree. and I knew this before, that it’s not the boyfriend that is the reason, it’s not the lack of time, it’s not the building a life together. It’s her not wanting to be friends anymore. And you may be right Anita, she may have developed some kind of aggression towards me. And she is aware that we don’t talk and that it is her choice, not mine. To me it seemed like she just does not need me anymore and now the boyfriend is fulfilling all her needs along with the “small” ones like talking about her day or minor issues – something I, and other people at work, fulfilled before. But the fact that she doesn’t even say hello to us, for weeks, doesn’t respond to silly jokes like she used to in the past, tells me there is something more to it.