Hi Anita

It is very kind of you to think of me every day and to wonder how I’m doing.

Thank you for your kind wishes, as well as for the beautiful poem. I got her when I moved out on my own for the first time. She made me feel safe. I was afraid to live by myself because I had anxiety attacks when I was alone. My biological mother used to leave my brother and I alone for ages unsupervised when we were underage for that to happen and not say when she would be back.

I remember when I got the cat. She was being bullied by the other kittens, and I didn’t want her to be bullied anymore.

We’ve been to the same couple’s counsellor when I was pregnant. But this was the first session since the baby was born. My husband is also seeing an individual therapist.

Yes, I think we both feel like we cannot cope with anymore disagreements. Our nervous systems are overwhelmed. There is also a lot going on outside of the disagreements. Stress definitely adds to things.

It is difficult because often it is not about a specific thing. My feelings get hurt sometimes and my husband can tell even when I don’t say anything about it. And he wants to talk about it and I don’t and that makes him angry that I don’t want to talk to him about it. That’s how he explained it to me anyway.

He also explained that he doesn’t really want to leave, and the threatening to leave comes from a place of trying to push me away before I push him away.

My PTSD is quite bad because of the arguments. I have just been shutting down at the slightest hint of conflict. Even the idea that it might happen before it even does.

He is the kind of person who always wants to be there even if things are tough. He doesn’t like leaving things alone.

But for the first time he walked away and took time to himself when he was getting stressed. So that is one positive. I don’t know what will happen next. We are trying. But it is just hard.

I have been reading a lot about couples counselling and relationship advice. The theory is basically that he is hurt by me withdrawing. And he acts out when he’s hurt. He just wants connection. And I just keep withdrawing more and more. Because I withdraw when I’m hurt. I also want connection, but I don’t really feel safe emotionally.

He is still making an effort to try and be more affectionate and we are trying to spend more time together so there are some positives.

Thank you again for your support Anita!

Love and best wishes! ❤️🙏